Resolutions... to keep.

I never understood the tradition of making New Year resolutions knowing you're about 90% sure you're not going to keep it. As far I remember I made my first real new year resolution in 2007, going into 2008. I kept this resolution for about.... 2 hours. I was actually serious about it, and knew that it was something I wanted to do, but failed at the sight of someone else. If that makes sense.

I don't think it's such a good idea for people to make new years resolutions, why new years anyway? Right, I get that its the start of a whole new year, and a lot of people think January 1st gives us some sort of forgivable power where all our bad ideas, sins, and dumb choices seem to disappear come that next day. However, it doesn't. If you're set on losing weight for 2010, that greasy burger and large salted french fries you ate December 31st will still be clogging your arteries the next day. What's the difference if deciding to make a resolution January 1st, or July 20th, or November 3rd? Either way, if you say you're going to change something in your life, and you want to see a year pass by, it shouldn't matter the date what matters is the 365 days after that.

I find people who make new year resolutions almost as lazy... those who will resolute to quit smoking, or eat healthier or whatever it is, it's almost an excuse for the rest of the year. lets say if i decided to exercise more, and I came up with this idea after a huge plate of turkey and seconds on the Pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving dinner, it's an excuse for me to binge the rest of the year. If someone wants to start working out more, do it today, don't wait until the new year. Like i said, whats the difference between December 29th and January 1st? Nothing, the sun will still rise, the sun will still set, the news will still come on at 5pm, someone somewhere will be born and someone somewhere will die. There is no difference between the two days except of course the day of the week. So if you've got your mind set on a new year resolution, don't wait until Friday, do it now, do it today. Right now. If your resolution is to quit smoking, stop right now, just dont have another one. If its to save more money, don't spend any more money today, eat at home, dont go out to eat, dont go buy that cup of coffee, make it at home. Whatever your resolution might be, i wish you well.

However, if you know youre not going to keep it, why lie to yourself by making one. This year I'm not making one, because I dont feel i need a resolution to help me change my life, if i really wanted to make things better, i'd do it just because i needed to, not because im trying to keep a new year resolution. It's not a competition with yourself, do it because you seriously want to, not because you know you should.

Beyond the limitations of immaturity

Have you ever wondered 'at what exact moment do people turn from immaturity to maturity?' because i have.
I realize that this is subjective and it more so depends on each particular person rather than society as a whole, and a particular age group; but it seems that some folks never reach that turning point into maturity. Oh, how I pity them.

I realize that maturity comes in all shapes, sizes and degrees with each person in the world, and in my case my maturity came in certain areas of my life at certain times. I'm not afraid to say that in some areas, yes, i would still consider myself immature. One example would be the area of parenthood, or selflessness. I know that I am extremely selfish when it comes down to it. Selfish in a sense that I'm not willing to give up my life of late nights, concerts, bars, caffeine, fast food, and tight jeans all to supplement another human being. No way, not a chance. One day I might grow up and rid myself of the selfish immaturity and know that to create something between me and my partner will forever change our lives as we know it, I know that when i look down into that child's eyes and see my own (or my spouse's) that giving up my selfish life was totally worth it. Or at least thats what i've been told by those whom I know who have children of their own.

Anyways, my point is, that at age 19, i realized one morning that it wasn't cool and it sure as hell wasn't fun to wake up with my face in the trash can, puking any remanence of last nights dinner and booze into the can. At that moment maturity struck me, hard, i would say. The turning point that morning to maturity was about self control.

My point here, is that I do not understand how someone who is 23 years old, almost 24, can still have the immaturity level of a 16 year old boy. I've come across some 16 year olds lately and I have actually found that some of them are actually profoundly much more mature than this 23 year old I am thinking of. Sad, i know. The part I pity most for this man, is that he blames it on his upbringing. Poor Poor immature little boy. It doesn't matter how you grew up, what matters is what you learn from it.

For those of you who do know me, know that I have the "savior complex" and I must save everyone I come across, I have a natural tendency to try to help people. But one way or another i usually manage to get in too far over my head and need a life saver thrown to me. In the case of 23 year old Jose Diaz, this is what happened.

I suppose you could say this is my turning point into maturity of realization that I can not be everyone's savior. Some people are too far out of my own capabilities to help that they need to turn to someone professional for it.

Though I have cut all ties with this person, I will still remember the few good times we did have. And that's okay, it's sort of like death. I will try my best not to remember the bad times, the lies, the hatred, the cursing, but remember the laughter, the smiles, the jokes.... eh.. come to think of it, he's better off dead. :)

Christmas Parties and Graduate Studies

It's official, all of my applications to graduate school have been completed and sent. Now comes the hardest part, the waiting. Tom Petty couldn't have said it better in my opinion,

"The waiting is the hardest part, every day you take one more card, you take it on faith, you take it to the heart, the waiting is the hardest part."

Of course, most people would assume that the hardest part would be making the decision as to which school to attend, but for me, poor ol' impatient me, its the agonizing waiting period. I wont hear back from Kansas or Colorado until at the earliest, late February but it could be at late as April. I know already got accepted to the University of Texas at Arlington, and my father is so set on me going there, (which you would know had you read my previous blog posts) that he decided to make Christmas cards this year with a blurb about each of the Selfs and what we are currently doing, he wrote that I am ATTENDING the University of Texas at Arlington fall 2010. I was like "uh Dad, pretty sure I haven't said yes, yet so don't write that" all he said was, "Meghan, you know you're going there." It's almost to the point of irritation so much that if I get accepted to Kstate or CSU that i'm going to go to one of those schools just to spite him. It's like he's pushing me so hard to go to UTA and doesn't want me to choose where I want to go, where I believe i'll get the best education for myself. of course, had I applied to Texas Tech, there'd be no stopping Fred, he'd already have me an apartment, friends and a meeting with my teachers set up for me. Which is one of the biggest reasons I didn't apply there, aside from the fact that Lubbock sucks. Fred thinks he knows where I will get the best education, but the thing is, is he went to school for business, not for english. The schools that are best in business i.e. Texas Tech isn't exactly the best in english. They do have a good program, but I believe UNT's english program is better.

Oh well, I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens. But for now, it's Christmas parties at work, Christmas parties at friends houses, Christmas parties at the neighbors. It's the holiday spirit arising within everyone, however after attending a few Christmas parties thus far, I question are these parties created for the purpose to celebrate the Christmas season, the birth of Christ, and to give everyone a moments break from all the hardships they've face within the past year OR are Christmas parties an excuse for co-workers, friends, and neighbors to get drunk and be merry together?

What do you think? I'd love to hear it.

The Same Song but Different Feelings

Have you ever listened to a single song on repeat? Given any different reason, whether it be because you like the artist, you like the voice, you like the lyrics, the beat, the guitarist, the tone, the way it makes you feel, or the person it makes you think of when you hear it, whatever the reason, my question is why? why do we do it? when a song makes you think of someone with a sad, desperate connotation why is it that you seem to not be able to get that song out of your head, or you listen to it on repeat all day while you're at work. What is this fascination with pain, and sadness that humans have? I cant figure it out. but hey heres my song for the day, and i wouldn't consider it to be a song i think of someone in particular, it doesnt cause sadness, it doesnt cause joy, it just kind of makes me feel... here.

Mood Ring by Wade Bowen

I know nothing about this woman
Everything I do is wrong
Sometimes it's hard to fathom just what pain she's on
I found this pretty little mood ring at this local five and dime
It's gonna solve all my problems for a dollar ninety-nine

If it turns black, I should turn back
If it turns red, she likes what I said
If it turns blue, I should leave her alone
If it turns green, she wants me I know
She wants me I know

Well, I followed the instructions
Yeah, I read them word for word
And I memorized the color charts
Cause I wanted to be sure
I told her baby it's the thought that counts
As I slipped it on her hand
Yeah and then I crossed my fingers
With this ring I'll understand

If it turns black, I should turn back
If it turns red, she likes what I said
If it turns blue, I should leave her alone
If it turns green, she wants me I know
She wants me I know

Oh, all the things she's not saying
I'll know
While the color is changing

If it turns black, I should turn back
If it turns red, she likes what I said
If it turns blue, I should leave her alone
If it turns green, she wants me I know
She wants me I know

Oh
If it turns black, yeah I should turn back
If it turns red, she likes what I said
Yeah and if it turns blue, I should leave her alone
Oh and if it turns green, she wants me I know
She wants me I know

Yeah she wants me I know
Oh she wants me I know
Oh she wants me I know
Oh she wants me I know
Yeah she wants me I know
Oh she wants me I know
She's got to want me I know
She's got to want me I know
Y-e-a-h

comment about Copying vs Theft, No Origins but Only Beginnings

I spent the rest of my afternoon yesterday thinking about the rhetoric lecture I listened to. The comment about how there is no origin but only beginnings and how theft it is "better" than copying. I got to thinking about what are things in life that are stolen and what are copied.

The first thing that came to mind was music.
Copying: many many many people have copied The Rolling Stones song, You Can't Always Get What You Want. a favorite band of mine, Mark McKinney has in fact copied the song. Now, i'm not real big into The Stones, but I can master Satisfaction on karaoke, had it not been for Mark McKinney copying The Stones song, I wouldn't know the song. Which in turn made me Google the lyrics to find out that the song was in fact originally The Stones, which got me to appreciate the Stones a bit more and listen more to their music. So copying, yes it can be good, but it's a bit cliche and boring to hear two songs sung by different artists. Why? why do you copy anyways? my next example will prove that theft is better than copying.

Theft: There's a song, i do not know the artist, but it's an older song, most baby boomers will know it, called I'll be Watching You.
Our generation will know the PUFFY DADDY song with Faith Evans (yes it's that old when Sean Combs was Puff Daddy), called I'll be Missing You. Puffy Daddy, now know as P.Diddy, stole the song and made it his own. That I found at first a bit irritating when I found out that he had done that, thought it was low of him and unoriginal, thought "oh Puffy can't come up with his own music so he has to steal it from someone else." Now I look back and find it genius. Puff Daddy took a baby boomer popular song and made it popular with generation Y- us. He took something and made it his own, he recreated the past to please the future in a sense. Which in the case of Copying vs. Theft lies the argument that there are no origins only beginnings.

if you haven't read the post before this one, stop now and go read the end of it when i talk about the lecture, origins and beginnings, and theft vs copying.

Now, if you think about it, there is no origin to music, there is only a beginning. Narrow it down, a song. A musician will sit down with his, let say guitar, and filter out some new tabs, chords, sound, whatever you want to call it. But the different chords he uses, well they've been used before. probably in the exact same way, therefore it might be a beginning to him, and to his listeners, but its not the origin. One can argue, well what about when music first came about, wouldn't that be the origin of music? no, because, well for one, what is music? who defines what 'music' is. isn't it just a bunch of noise and sounds put together? yes, exactly, well before there were instruments, there were noises and sounds. Im sure the cavemen would bang some sticks together.. thats music, might not be "good" music, but nonetheless it's sound, its music. then one can argue, what about before the earth was created... well thats a tougher one to answer, and i'd say it somewhat depends on what you believe. Of course everyone knows that there isn't oxygen in space, and it's claimed that to make sound there needs to be oxygen, right. Well if you believe in the Christian God, he's capable to do ANYTHING and i'd like to bet that space wasn't exactly 'quiet' when he made the earth. And if you want to get 'realistic' about it, God SPOKE "let there be light". speaking- using your voice, making noise..... in turn, MUSIC. and if you dont believe in the Christian God, let's take the Big Bang Theory. Bang- thats an onomatopoeia, silly and an onomatopoeia is a sound word... sound=noise=music. right?! With copying and theft in mind, which ever one you chose to like best, it comes from somewhere else. copying is someone else's song, example Mark and The Stones, of theft puffy and the unknown artist. Each of those generation Y songs i will remember until the day I die did not originate themselves they were a beginning to me, but they came from somewhere else. And please dont say that The Stones and the unknown artist were the originators of those songs, because like i said they weren't. the music came from else where as i previously mentioned and the lyrics... the words have been placed in a particular order for a specific reason, but Mick Jagger was not the first person ever to say the words "you cant always get what you want, but if you try some times, youll get what you need" in that specific order.... PROVE IT. it might be logical, but it's certainly not possible.

therefore, after my lame ass argument but a sound one, (pun intended), i stand by Daniel Coffeen is saying that there are no origins, only beginnings.

And because there are no origins, only beginnings things are copied and stolen, copied to make things known, but stolen to make something their own, which is better? what do you think?

i believe i've made my point, i think theft is better than plagiarism. ahh.. thought of a good example in a literary sense... can you think of what im thinking of when it comes to plagiarism vs theft to make it your own... or PARAPHRASING. :) what would your teacher say is better? EXACTLY.

i love days like this

French Vanilla coffee, and cold weather with a little bit of snow, and you think you're having a good day. Probably not as good as mine. How can you wake up in a bad mood when it's snowing outside? Snow is the greatest form of water God ever created. Though I wish it were actual snow more than icy sleet but i'll take what I can get when I get to wear my heavy coat and a scarf.

I am listening to a rhetoric lecture by Daniel Coffeen about Roland Barthes. Do you even know what rhetoric is? and no it's got nothing to do with composition. Rhetoric is the art of persuasion. I believe that Daniel Coffeen gives the greatest lecture on Roland Barthes "Death of the Author", if you are ever in the mood to think, and think seriously, deeply and intellectually and want to feel smart because you understand partially what this guy is saying, listen to this guys lecture.

I told my boss today that I am seriously considering attending UTA for graduate school because I would be able to keep my job twittering. I also told him that it's a bit difficult for me to take in everything quickly because i do not come from a marketing background and dont really know much about the internet world other than wikipedia, facebook, myspace, twitter (now), and google. Google is the greatest invention in the world, I believe. I wonder who sat down and thought one day, "hmm, what if we had some sort of device that you could type in ANYTHING in the ENTIRE world into one little text box and find an answer." it's like ask.com, who seriously thought of that? I know I wouldnt ever come up with something like that, isn't that what dictionaries are for, persay? But google.com and ask.com are much much more intellectual and "worldly" than a dictionary because you can type in phrases. Actually now that i think about it, Google has probably made humans lose a particular part of their brain functions, it lets us not think, not absorb, not learn.
Take a look at Aristotle and Leonardo Di Vinci, had they had Google in their day would that have created such great art and power? Aristotle wouldn't had thought of the things he had thought of, he would not had formed his own ideas, and own theories had Google been around, because today it seems as if everything is a repeat of history. I know they say that history repeats itself, and it does, i believe because we have become lazy. we have lost the power to be singular and our own.


This is an excerpt from the lecture.

"we have beginnings but there are no origins...what else is creation but theft which is different than plagiarism... stealing something is different than copying, with plagiarism you copy the same thing, but with theft, you steal something and make it your own."
"an origin is a fixed point, everything is always a quotation." Ex. God creating the world.
"God declares it, he says 'let there be light.' The bible doesn't say God made light, God made the world, he says 'let there be light' which he is already quoting he's already in language. Later in John when it refers back to Genesis it says 'in the beginning was the word.'"

Meaning there is no origin because the language, the word was already there; it was just the beginning.

DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE TO YOU?
because this is the 100th time ive listened to this lecture, and i still dont understand it fully.
what do you think?