It meant having late night complimentary traverses with anyone I could find to contribute to the consumers demand. Whenever wherever was the rule I commanded with, not only did it support the wealth coming to a bitter end, it began to overrun the rules of the game. The game soon ended after 3 months, it became a habit, a habit I couldn’t break. The money was fading fast pulling out hundreds weekly with no other source of income except for what I had saved up from a previous profession. It soon took over my life; the only song I would allow myself to ease my mind with was “Hotel California” by the Eagles. Quoted everywhere on everything I owned it stated, “last thing I remember I was running for the door I had to find the passage back to the place I was before, goodnight said the night man and welcome to the sea ,You can check out any time you like but you can never leave”
We shouldn’t pretend
It never was there
Lies
It wasn’t even there to begin with..
Through the eyes of the darkened source I begin to breathe
The unsightly sights of this gruesome thing called love
Or hate the beach tames the waves like the eyes of the evil
Shuts out the light the dark light
Shining through out the life of these unborn humans
Walking around on sticks like life
Was supposed to happen
Do as told as told by the sights of weather
By the sights of life
Mindless beings don’t question who or why
Emotions only the way to excommunicate to the life it once was
Back again to see the blind.
Down to the river to drown the life
That wasn’t supposed to be the walking on sticks
Through the eyes given by love I see the mindless
I noticed the unforgiven.
I forgave. The confidence once inside of my human
Left long again with his words of hate
Cruel words spit at me like water on the fire of love.
if its true let me be the cruel letters spilling from the lips that
claim to withhold the power of love.
How can one object hold the power to life and death.
Hate and love all from one place
Where did these humans get the ideas?
How is it possible to believe in such hate and claim to love
Or is all hate and lies through the eye of the beholder?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Repetitive State - Story of My Life
Well, it's coming down to the repetitive state in my work life again. Most 40 hour work week folks know exactly what I'm talking about. Every week day is the same, wake up at the exact same time, do your morning routine in the exact same order that you've been doing every weekday morning for the past 10 years. Leave for work at the exact same time, take the exact same route, park in your same parking spot...etc. Though your work day and work load might not be the exact same everyday it's in the general category, right?! Yes.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, i'm just saying its repetitive.
I love both my jobs, don't get me wrong. Absolutely, I found these two jobs, the social media intern and waitress jobs are the first two jobs that I've actually been really happy about. I loved working at the Ole Dusty Trail in Denton, but with all the drama and poor management it got real old real fast. But at Rojo, even though i'd do things a bit different, things are working out great. As for the internship, geeze let me tell you, you know that feeling you get deep down inside your gut when you find the perfect pair of shoes. Your whole body just KNOWS that those are the right pair of shoes for you, as if they were made and put in that store just for you to buy... that's how i feel about this internship. It was made for me... probably not really, but coincidentally I got the job and it feels right. I know this online marketing business is going to BOOM in the next 3 to 5 years and I want to enjoy the ride, i want to be apart of it. I want to be able to look back and tell my children how I was a part, a miniscule part, but nonetheless a part of the online media generation. I helped create it. Even if all i did was put a tiny piece of scotch tape onto the building blocks of the online media world, that tiny piece of tape wouldn't be there if it weren't for me; and who knows, had that tiny worthless piece of tape not of been place strategically in that specific spot I chose for it to be placed... the online media world might not be what it will become..
Hmm..
Something to think about.
I hope people realize that every single movement and choice they make in life some how in some way makes the world a better place. Sure you could counteract my statement with something like "what about those people who litter, they're hurting the earth.." well to answer that, if it weren't for scum bags who litter, we probably wouldn't have the prisoners on the side of the highway cleaning up their trash. Which in turn could possibly save a mans life, given we all know that many deadly fights occur everyday in prison... and who knows maybe that man, that was out there picking up someone elses trash the day a deadly fight occured, maybe he was innocent... and so forth. I wont go into all the different possibilities of how things could work out, but i think you get my point.
Anyway, though my work days have become repetitive, and quite frankly annoying, I don't plan to give up either job anytime soon. Maybe you should think about that next time you get tired of doing the daily grind for 10 years...
oh and while you're at it... take a break and listen to Mark McKinney's Story of My Life song- I guarantee it'll make you feel a hell of a lot better.
oh and on another note- i fractured my tail bone in Lake Tahoe snowboarding... ouch!!
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, i'm just saying its repetitive.
I love both my jobs, don't get me wrong. Absolutely, I found these two jobs, the social media intern and waitress jobs are the first two jobs that I've actually been really happy about. I loved working at the Ole Dusty Trail in Denton, but with all the drama and poor management it got real old real fast. But at Rojo, even though i'd do things a bit different, things are working out great. As for the internship, geeze let me tell you, you know that feeling you get deep down inside your gut when you find the perfect pair of shoes. Your whole body just KNOWS that those are the right pair of shoes for you, as if they were made and put in that store just for you to buy... that's how i feel about this internship. It was made for me... probably not really, but coincidentally I got the job and it feels right. I know this online marketing business is going to BOOM in the next 3 to 5 years and I want to enjoy the ride, i want to be apart of it. I want to be able to look back and tell my children how I was a part, a miniscule part, but nonetheless a part of the online media generation. I helped create it. Even if all i did was put a tiny piece of scotch tape onto the building blocks of the online media world, that tiny piece of tape wouldn't be there if it weren't for me; and who knows, had that tiny worthless piece of tape not of been place strategically in that specific spot I chose for it to be placed... the online media world might not be what it will become..
Hmm..
Something to think about.
I hope people realize that every single movement and choice they make in life some how in some way makes the world a better place. Sure you could counteract my statement with something like "what about those people who litter, they're hurting the earth.." well to answer that, if it weren't for scum bags who litter, we probably wouldn't have the prisoners on the side of the highway cleaning up their trash. Which in turn could possibly save a mans life, given we all know that many deadly fights occur everyday in prison... and who knows maybe that man, that was out there picking up someone elses trash the day a deadly fight occured, maybe he was innocent... and so forth. I wont go into all the different possibilities of how things could work out, but i think you get my point.
Anyway, though my work days have become repetitive, and quite frankly annoying, I don't plan to give up either job anytime soon. Maybe you should think about that next time you get tired of doing the daily grind for 10 years...
oh and while you're at it... take a break and listen to Mark McKinney's Story of My Life song- I guarantee it'll make you feel a hell of a lot better.
oh and on another note- i fractured my tail bone in Lake Tahoe snowboarding... ouch!!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Poetry Sharing Time- all mine.
I'd like to know what you think, so leave COMMENTS!! LOTS OF COMMENTS!!
A lot of these don't really make sense, and a lot of them aren't worth anything good, but they're my thoughts and my words that I'm willing to share with you.
1. Dont be afraid now baby, i wont be gone for too long, once i get to the water ill turn right around and come back to where i belong. driving fast down this dusty old dirty road i never thought id tell you where i never thought id go. ill be back around again this town just you wait you'll see, one day ill come back to gather up the rest of my baggage that you left here waiting for me.
2. I waited so long to feel your touch just once more
i wanted too long for you to come running
but now the time has come and gone and i cant keep holding on to this memory
i played myself the fool thought you and i could make it
through the rough times but ive been left here waitin
you tell me that you love me
but i just cant believe in you
when youre not here and im all alone
its hard to hear you say i love you through the phone
when are you comin back around
when i will i see you again
i travel these lonesome grounds
wishing you'll be here once more
but with the slamming of the door
i know that you wont be comin back no more.
but then you tell me that you love me,
say baby it'll be alright
but i just cant believe you
not when im alone again tonight.
cause i travel this road day after day
dreamin that you'll be there when i get home
but then there's not even a message left on the phone
3. Waves
beautifully serene
crashing into the sand
grains of salt caress me
waves
4. I walked along the shore
watching the ocean tide rise
when a seagull approached me and asked if i could spare him a dollar
i questioned his morals
despite no ones ever told me not to trust the gull birds
telling me he wanted to buy a diamond
i scoffed at his insane speech
when the bird flew off he hit me with his poop.
5. I found a tiny pebble
and put it in my hand,
pretty and all alone
why? i didn't understand
I threw it in the river
so no one could ever find
my secret treasure
i had to leave behind.
A lot of these don't really make sense, and a lot of them aren't worth anything good, but they're my thoughts and my words that I'm willing to share with you.
1. Dont be afraid now baby, i wont be gone for too long, once i get to the water ill turn right around and come back to where i belong. driving fast down this dusty old dirty road i never thought id tell you where i never thought id go. ill be back around again this town just you wait you'll see, one day ill come back to gather up the rest of my baggage that you left here waiting for me.
2. I waited so long to feel your touch just once more
i wanted too long for you to come running
but now the time has come and gone and i cant keep holding on to this memory
i played myself the fool thought you and i could make it
through the rough times but ive been left here waitin
you tell me that you love me
but i just cant believe in you
when youre not here and im all alone
its hard to hear you say i love you through the phone
when are you comin back around
when i will i see you again
i travel these lonesome grounds
wishing you'll be here once more
but with the slamming of the door
i know that you wont be comin back no more.
but then you tell me that you love me,
say baby it'll be alright
but i just cant believe you
not when im alone again tonight.
cause i travel this road day after day
dreamin that you'll be there when i get home
but then there's not even a message left on the phone
3. Waves
beautifully serene
crashing into the sand
grains of salt caress me
waves
4. I walked along the shore
watching the ocean tide rise
when a seagull approached me and asked if i could spare him a dollar
i questioned his morals
despite no ones ever told me not to trust the gull birds
telling me he wanted to buy a diamond
i scoffed at his insane speech
when the bird flew off he hit me with his poop.
5. I found a tiny pebble
and put it in my hand,
pretty and all alone
why? i didn't understand
I threw it in the river
so no one could ever find
my secret treasure
i had to leave behind.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
never too much food for thought
As the year 2010 kicks off to a good start, I received a follow up email from the kansas State advisor. My grad school application is in the hands of the admissions committee and I will find out whether I have been formally accepted to Kansas State or formally denied from Kansas State by the end of this month, if not early february. I have a keen hunch in my gut that I will be admitted to Kansas State, but Colorado State, now that's the one I've got my fingers crossed for, and I hope you do too.
I plan to make a trip up to both schools by March 1st, to see the campus and feel the weather to see if either of them are livable for me. Though no place will ever feel like Denton, Texas to me, hopefully Ft. Collins or Manhattan can suffice me for 36 months.
When it comes to Denton, Texas, I feel as if I am Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Quick someone find me a pair of red ruby slippers. I wish desperately that I could go to UNT again for my Masters Degree, but I know it's best that I do not. But nothing will stop me from applying for the UNT Doctoral program. I'd even love to teach at UNT. You know how some people get excited about their alma mater's sports teams? Like seriously intense passion for it? Deck their house in the college's colors, paint your face, wear the jersey, fight with the neighbor's because they went to a rival school... that's pretty much how I feel about UNT's English department.
Oh well, I suppose I will have to make do without Denton, Texas for a little while, just a little while though.
I am working two jobs attempting to save as much money as possible for grad school, working two jobs, 7 days a week is a major burn out project in the workings. I've been going steadfast and headstrong like a bull into a red cape for about 4 months now, and I can feel it beginning to take a toll on my physical body, my emotional and mental bodies as well. I am 21 years old and I am burnt out already? Uh Oh, I'm intrigued as to see how life will burn me as I get older and out into the "real world".
wish me luck.
I plan to make a trip up to both schools by March 1st, to see the campus and feel the weather to see if either of them are livable for me. Though no place will ever feel like Denton, Texas to me, hopefully Ft. Collins or Manhattan can suffice me for 36 months.
When it comes to Denton, Texas, I feel as if I am Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Quick someone find me a pair of red ruby slippers. I wish desperately that I could go to UNT again for my Masters Degree, but I know it's best that I do not. But nothing will stop me from applying for the UNT Doctoral program. I'd even love to teach at UNT. You know how some people get excited about their alma mater's sports teams? Like seriously intense passion for it? Deck their house in the college's colors, paint your face, wear the jersey, fight with the neighbor's because they went to a rival school... that's pretty much how I feel about UNT's English department.
Oh well, I suppose I will have to make do without Denton, Texas for a little while, just a little while though.
I am working two jobs attempting to save as much money as possible for grad school, working two jobs, 7 days a week is a major burn out project in the workings. I've been going steadfast and headstrong like a bull into a red cape for about 4 months now, and I can feel it beginning to take a toll on my physical body, my emotional and mental bodies as well. I am 21 years old and I am burnt out already? Uh Oh, I'm intrigued as to see how life will burn me as I get older and out into the "real world".
wish me luck.
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