Day 1

All went well for the rest of the work day. Class was a bit of a drag because I hadn't eaten anything since, oh about 2:30.

I got out of class a little early tonight, and as always I'm pooped and starving.

All I wanted to do was pay someone to deliver food to my car and if possible feed it to me. Yep, that's how exhausted I am after a full day at work and school.

As tempted as I was to pull thru the Whataburger, McDonalds, Wendys, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, and / or Burger King drive thru that I pass every night on my way home I kept my strength and made it home.

Not having had time to go to the grocery store yet I literally speed walked inside, dropped my bags on the ground and hurled myself towards the fridge.

Of course I have nothing to qualify as a 'real meal' but being who I am I at least have the creativity and pallet to whip together what edible things I do have. Add a little buffalo sauce and call it a 'meal'.

The above picture is what I had for dinner. I know it's not paleo with the noodles, but like I said in my previous post. I don't do 100% paleo and this is EXACTLY why.

Ingredient of tonight's meal:

1.5 cups of Rotini noodles
3 chopped hard boiled eggs
2 cups of frozen peas and carrots

For taste I added about 3/4tbs of buffalo sauce (again I know it's not paleo, but it's the only way I will be able to munch through the above mixed ingredients)

I also add some olive oil and vinegar salad dressing for some bitterness to ward off the overwhelming taste of the buffalo sauce.

And yes, both the buffalo sauce and oil and vinegar dressing are as close to paleo as possible.

So here it is, the end of day 1 and I didn't cave. So far, so good.

I'm still debating on whether to give my measurements or not. I'm not sure if in 21 days there will be significant physical changes, if any at all. It may just be changes on the inside. But I suppose I could do it anyway just to either prove or disqualify the idea of being able to change your physical body in just 21 days.

21 day challenge

Okay, so I know most of you probably don't really understand the concept of what the 21 day challenge is, so let me briefly explain it to you. It takes a person typically 21 days to make or break a habit. Any habit. Pick one. You either stop one or you start one, or I suppose you could alter one.

My 21 day challenge: Initially I was thinking of doing a 21 day sugar free challenge. Sounds easy enough and I really want to start today, like right now. And then I realized that the lunch I brought to work would kill my 21 day challenge right from the start. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, and no it's not natural peanut butter or jelly. It's the cheap Great Value kind from Walmart. So the 21 day sugar free challenge is out. I suppose I could start tomorrow, but I don't want to. Honestly, it's because I'll forget. Between work, school, studying and Crossfit my eating habits have been pretty much shit lately. I'm talking fast food, going out to eat for every meal, snacking at the un-health conscious vending machine at the office, etc. Needless to say I feel like shit through my workouts, I feel bad getting up in the morning, minute aches and pains are starting to come back and lastly, I really don't feel all too good on the inside, both physically and mentally. I'm foggy in both my head and my body. Before, I felt good inside and out when I was watching my food products, ensuring it was as primal as I could handle. (That means I ate grains, not always but sweet potatoes and as natural as possible tortillas, etc.) So this got me thinking about what I should do for my 21 day challenge:

21 days of no purchasing food.

I haven't made it to the grocery store in a few weeks, hence the tirade of fast food and vending machine monster. So tonight when I get home from school I will go to the grocery store. That will be the last time I purchase food for the next 21 days.

I'm seeing two advantages to this.

1. Most importantly, this will get me back to where I want, should and deserve to be in life, health and Crossfit.

2. It's like giving myself a little raise. :) I think I may even put $5-10 in my savings account every day that I would have spent on food. 5-10 is pretty small compared to what I'm actually spending, but I think it's a good number to work with.

I want to do this challenge because I need to know that food does not have control over my life unless I let it. When I'm tired and don't feel like cooking, it's easy to hit up the drive thru. I'd rather have someone else make my food when I'm exhausted and quite frankly I don't give a shit about the calories, sodium or by-products, i.e. pink goop that's in whatever the hell it was I was eating. I need to know that in order to succeed for my health I can not let my mental exhaustion run the control panel.


So, do you think I can do it? I think it's going to take a lot of dedication and probably some starvation on the days I get up at 5:30a for work and don't come home until after class at 9:30p and all I have to rely on is a 8" x 10" x 6" blue lunch box. :/ Think I may invest in a larger lunch box, maybe a cooler or a foam ice chest for the next 21 days... But at least I have a large supply of tupperware already at home. I can honestly say tupperware is one of Man's GREATEST creations.

Will take note of my weight, and measurements when I get home from class tonight and keep you update all along the way.

Life, Love, Literature: Creating Interpretations with More than your Mind

Life, Love, Literature: Creating Interpretations with More than your Mind

Creating Interpretations with More than your Mind

Flipping through random blog posts on Blogger.com I came across a blog that's latest post was a poem about cigarettes by Keith Badowski There Goes the Top of My Head: Cigarettes, a spontaneous poem by Keith Badowski. What a strange poem, I particularly enjoyed his line of "skin of a pacifist", of course the way I interpret that line is probably not the same way Keith interprets it, or any other reader interprets it. Which got me thinking about interpretations, of course. I could easily say that interpretations are what got me interested in studying English to begin with but then I'd be lying. It was the second, the first was that it was the only subject I was half way decent in in high school and I needed a major in college. After choosing English as my major I started taking literature courses. Of course, I got my bachelors degree in technical writing though. My theory on that, you can't do anything with BA in literature other than teach primary or secondary education after donating a specified amount of money and time to the state of Texas for a certification that says you are fit to teach these young students. Oh! thought tangent!! -> what makes a person "fit" to teach young students? Just because a person is able and eligible to pass a certification course, does that mean that person is not rightfully able to influence the minds of our young students? I would disagree, clearly, some educators are not "fit" for this position, see link here or here, how about some male teachers here. Point is these people may have been certified educators, however, would you consider them "fit" to educate the minds of the next generation? I don't think so.

Back to my original motive for this post: interpretations.
I love literature, do you know why? Roland Barthes is the reason. Because for me, Roland Barthes gave me the ability to interpret. He killed the author, so now, besides the words on the paper, I'm the only thing that matters. Of course that's about as broad and as general of an overview of Roland Barthes Death of the Author essay as you can get, but nonetheless Barthes killed the author and opened up the text for me to interpret as I please. Find Roland Barthes essay here.

After having read Barthes' essay the first question that came to mind was "what if the author is already dead?" Of course that was before having thoroughly studied Barthes essay, but still I believe it's a valid question. Food for thought, let's take Samuel Taylor Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Coleridge died in 1834, more than 120 years before Barthes essay and more than 150 years before I was born. So how do you interpret his poem, correctly? Is there a correct interpretation? How do you know it's correct?

My first encounter with Coleridge's poem, I interpreted the poem on the basis of witchcraft. Second time I read it, I found Greek mythology hidden in the waves of Poseidon and Artemis. Then I went to class to discuss the poem and found my professors interpretation to be that of the Christian's wandering Jew. So, how do I know which is correct? Of course I was going to believe my professor and fall victim to his personal interpretation because, he was the professor after all. But soon I found out that he is certainly not the only one who believes Coleridge's poem is interpreted as the case of the wandering Jew. I see it now that it has been so obviously pointed out to me and many many scholars would agree this is the correct interpretation so I shut my mouth and write it in my notebook. Of course in the back of my mind questions burn and churn with anxiety of why this is the common interpretation for his poem. Sure, Coleridge was a religious man and the poem is said to have gotten some shape by a fellow clergyman, but religion was instilled normalcy in the 18th century. So it's easy for modern readers to believe Coleridge was influenced by the wandering Jew. But what about my own interpretation? Why is this interpretation so widely accepted by literary scholars? What would Roland Barthes say about this?

Although Coleridge is already physically dead, he survives through his poetry. But Barthes cuts the Coleridge's noose from around his poems and kills him. Completely washes away any and all evidence of Samuel Taylor Coleridge from Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Now what? Interpret how Barthes wants you to. Cleanse yourself of 18th century knowledge, of Coleridge, Lyrical Ballads, William Wordsworth, religion, war, even nature as Coleridge loved so much. And read the text with a blank slated mind.
Let the words move and take new shape on the page and in your mind, be aware of how the words form in your mouth, how each word, letter, syllable makes you feel, physically, emotionally, mentally and even psychologically (which is different than your mental presence, thank my lover Sigmund Freud for that one). Now once you've obtained the text in your mind, what do you see? When you read, feel, hear, chew, form the words in your mind and on your self, I ask you, what is it saying?

Here's Coleridge's poem:

Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Try it on for a size.

Now,
That's what I call interpretation. No right or wrong, just being. That's all interpretation is, your thoughts on being. Being the words on a page, being the words on your lips, in your heart, in your mind, in your stomach. Interpretation is not just created by our mind, but by our bodies as well.

Would you care for more food for thought?
Here's a few other poems:

Tyger, Tyger

All Day I Hear the Noise of Water

Time and Eternity XLVIII

Purchasing Time

As I was filing through my kitchen pantry, appropriately known as the anorexic pantry due to its 12in width and 16in depth, I started to write down all the necessary items for my survival.
1. Almond milk
2. eggs
3. cage free chicken breast
4. chocolate, etc.

After finishing the list, or so i thought i had, i was racking my brain for anything else i might have left off. Then it hit me. I need time. No not Thyme the spice, but time. Literal, intangible time, hours, minutes, days. Unfortunately time is not something you ca purchase, if it were i'd be anorexic due to an empty pantry and fridge because i'd spend all my money on time.

During this thought process I began to reorganize my daily life to fit in the scheduled time i do have. You know the phrase, 'so little time', it confuses me because time doesnt change. it's constant, constantly moving forward. you can't stop it, reverse it, change it, shape it, mold it or hold it. So how is it possible to have 'so little time', when you had the exact same amount of time you did the day before, two weeks before, 20 years before, even 120 years before. So why do people complain about having such little time to do anything.

if there was a "biggest complainer about not having enough time" award, I'd have 17 of them for every year I haven't had enough time since I was 5 years old. From birth until 5 years old, you don't HAVE to do anything, you don't have responsibilities, you don't have to worry, you have someone else provide life, time, health, care for you 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Which inadvertently takes up your caregivers times in your selfish ways. But that's a whole other subject for another time.

So due to the inadequate amount of time we are given daily, i vote the government redirect their spending. I wont complain about the salary of the government officials, everyone else does that enough for me, but they could redirect their spending away from building more roads, more pollutant-ridden semi trucks and buses, oh, and stop paying these famous people 12 million dollars (J.Lo) to appear on American Idol and tell people they're good or bad singers. Really $12mil? is that necessary? So if they cut the spending in non-essential areas and give back to those who need it. Obviously the government is happy with this whole 24 hours/day thing, so i dont think that will change, but they could at least pay for time in other ways. For me, they could up my hourly rate (even by $5-10) that would compensate for having 1-2 days off per work week, which would allow me to focus more on my studies, which i pay a hefty amount for- which goes to the govt- and making good grades allows me to graduate at a reasonable rate and move on to more important things; such as educating those future leaders of America.
That sounds like a win, win to me.

But for others, it's the same thing.. take just 2% of J. Lo's American Idol money and give it to the Military so that those serving can have 3 weeks of R&R instead of 2. Or have R&R more often. Because when your family is separated, the hardest thing is finding more time when your time is limited.

Sip on that.

Holy Crap Batman! Where Did the Time Go?!

Birthday tomorrow.. ugh.


I hate birthdays. I used to love them, that was up until my 21st was peaking around the corner. I realized that soon after I turned 21, my life of looking forward to birthday was officially over. I mean come on what's there to look forward to once you're 100% legal in the united states? I can rent a car at 25, ok, but I also have my own car and insurance that will get me a rental if my car is broken. I can order off the senior menu at Ihop in 40 years, and get discounts at six flags. hm.. that's what I really want when I'm 62 years old, a big fat stack on hearty pancakes and roller coasters. I believe my blood sugar, cholesterol and new replaces hips will love all the wonderful gifts I get as a senior citizen. Oh yeah, and that who social security check I'm supposed to get, probably won't be getting that given the outstanding economy the US is supporting right now.

Moreover, after my 21st birthday, there really is no reason to look forward to turning a year older. In fact it should be more of a celebration for my parents than me. It means they kept me alive and well for an additional year. Though, I am no longer living under my parents rules, roof, or income, they still manage to be large participants in my daily life and choices; therefore, they have survived another year in helping form me into a working class, tax-paying, damn-the-man, graduate student, on the brink of insanity due to the cornucopia of work and school assignments with deadlines that are all too close for comfort.

In the grand scheme of things, I do enjoy the ability to look back and say "well when I was x years old, I did x". Howbeit, the fill in the blank spots usually begin with a low number and end with something either illegal or out right plain stupidity. But I supposed that's the point of birthdays. It offers people the ability to move past their past.

The Cut-up Method: A Cure for Writers Block

As the title of this post suggests, Byron Gysin's Cut-up method sure does help alleviate the destruction my fellow writers and I know all to well. The horrid disease called Writer's Block. I've had writers block for quite a while now, I can't think of anything to say, my finger's don't feel like writing anymore. So I attempted the Gysin method. Took an old poem I wrote, cut it up and taped it back together for something new. Of course it was entertaining and what came out of the cut-up sure was interesting but I wasn't look at a way to remix my own work. I am looking to produce new, original content. Ah! yes. The non-existent words "original content". There's no such thing. All word's have been spoke, written, signed, interpreted, etc. before in the same pattern I chose to use them. Of course it may not be in the exact pattern over all, but nonetheless, using a phrase at random, "The sky profuse with colors of red and gray, mingling together as if there was no place for the shades of color to go, hung in the air until all turned black." Damn, that just came out. Wasn't even really thinking about it... maybe I don't have writer's block. Maybe it's just the lack of time.

Not that that sentence makes much sense out of context, but my point is... someone, somewhere, has written something very similar. Using the colors red and gray to describe the colors of the sky.. no original content. Not plagiarism, but just not original.

Anyway,

moving forward, second semester is about to end and I'm beginning to learn that thing this people call "time" is an illusory term. If time existed, there would be more day light and less day light at the same time. There would be no distinction between night/day, weekday/weekend or even month/month/year. If time existed, we'd never grow old, never had deadlines, never worry about not having enough time or having too much time. I know you're probably saying right now that everything I just described is a universal recognition for the term "time". However, it is not. Time is something we create in the figments of our brain synapses. If I had time, I would be able to complete more tasks more often and at a substantially faster rate. If time existed I wouldn't worry about deadlines, or sleep. I'd have enough time to manage it all. Time management is all it takes right? wrong, time would be something that everyone could enjoy. Something people wouldn't stress over. If we only had ample time.

Life would be enjoyable. Life, a lover! Life. Like Orlando I contemplate the meaning of life, where does it exist? Does life exist? is there a difference between life and existence? How come we have two synonyms for the seemingly same meaning of one congruent thing? isn't it supposed to be congruent? If so, we wouldn't have to worry about time.

Hm... how about that for a cure of writer's block.. I guess time will only tell on that one.