New Year, New Me? Probably Not

Okay so it's 5 days into the great and wonder 2011. There's some sarcasm for you.

I have posted a picture of me on New Years eve 2007 going into 2008. I was 19 years old, 2nd year into college and I was flirting with 170 pounds. I'm 5'8, that puts me in the considerably overweight category, according to my BMI anyhow. I know that BMI charts aren't exactly accurate given a body builder with less than 7% body fat will be considered overweight with a high BMI, well I can guarantee you that I had a HELL OF A LOT MORE body fat than 7%. I probably had roughly 25 to 30%. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it actually is.

So anyway, here is my thought for the day:

I don't fully understand why people make new year resolutions. More importantly I really don't understand why probably 80% of American's new year resolutions this year is to lose weight/ get healthy/ be more active/ get fit... whatever you want to call it. Personally, I don't think that should be allowed for a new year resolution, because if someone wants to lose weight/get fit/be healthy, whatever they shouldn't have to wait until a new year. Most people begin to think about their resolution around Christmas, start formulating a plan of how to execute it properly, gathering information and probably buying some new work out clothes and shoes. So after they map out the resolution, Christmas happens. Christmas= mass food. Let's not kid ourselves either about Christmas food. Those sweet potatoes went from being low in calorie, naturally sweet, fluffy and wholesomely natural, to loaded with cinnamon, butter, marshmallows, and God knows what else people put in their sweet potatoes. Then there's the turkey/ham which again is good by itself but then we load it with thick brown gravy and calories and fat sky rocket.

My point here is, is that once most people decide on their resolution for the new year they will most certainly binge the last few weeks of the year. Thinking, "this is my last chance! Once I begin my resolution to lose weight I can't eat pizza anymore, or ice cream or baked potatoes! so I better load up now while I still can!!!"

There's the problem.

People try to relish every last crumb in the bottom of the bag before throwing it away, same thing with the new year.

I believe if you want to lose weight, start today. don't wait two weeks for the new year, start right now. Put the donut down and scramble some eggs. If you just polished off half a dozen glazed donuts and a large glass of chocolate milk, start at lunch. Rather than getting that double quarter pounder with cheese and a super sized fry and coke from McDonalds, run down to subway for a turkey sandwich, or shit if you really want McDonalds, get a hamburger happy meal. It will drastically reduce your caloric, sodium and fat intake and it will satisfy you just the same. But really, if you want to lose weight, bring your own lunch.

You know I read the other day on fitnessmagazine.com one way to really cut calories is to use an old Joy of Cooking cook book, you know the ones our moms and grandmas used back when we were little kids standing on stools to wash our hands in the kitchen sink... yeah, that one. It's calls for less ingredients, less amounts which leads to less calories and less weight gain.

Okay, enough of that observation. My point is, don't wait to change, change now, if that's what you really want.

For me, back when that picture was taken, I wasn't aware that I was that big. I certainly didn't feel that big. But I was. It wasn't under a whole year later, Christmas 2008 that I saw a picture of myself in a new coat and realized just how big I actually had gotten. I weighed my self and tipped the scale at 171 pounds. At that exact moment, once I saw that number I said to myself, no, no this isn't happen. I won't do it. And in that very instant I changed my lifestyle. I chose to be healthy and to lose the weight I didn't know I gained. I didn't wait until the new year only 10 days away, I changed right then. And of course I didn't instantly jump into a pool of broccoli, I still ate too much pizza at CiCi's, still had pasta and ice cream and donuts and everything else. But I was more aware of what I was putting into my mouth, and I joined a gym. Never was obsessed with calories or muscle mass, I just wanted to lose the weight. And somehow one way or another after about 2 and half years the weight fell off. Then when I moved last June I realized I gained weight again and didn't want it. So I joined a gym out here in Arlington. Now that I've lost the 30 pounds, I want to be fit. So I joined crossfit in October.

You don't need a new year to get a new you. Start now.

Make a change for a better you, because you want to do it for yourself, not anyone else. Don't wait to make the change either, start right now. Seriously, right now.

3 days

Well, I have 3 days left until I am officially done with my first semester as a graduate student. It's been one hell of a semester, thats for sure.

But I can honestly say, that I learned more from taking the one required English graduate course than I did my entire career at UNT.

Possible Contributing Factors:

1. maturity
2. excellent teacher
3. classmates who I really connected with
4. support from friends and family
5. not as many distractions as when in Denton
6. maturity
7. dedication caused by maturity

That's about all I can think of. I can not say for sure if any of those are the correct reasons why I learned more this single semester than I did the 3 years I spent at UNT, but I can say that it did happen.

Of course, I'm older and more mature, but I also don't have many friends out here in Arlington, and I certainly don't HAVE to be in graduate school, which provides me with the reassurance that this is what I want.

I'll admit there were a few times throughout the semester that I questioned my motives and questioned myself. Why am I doing this? I'm not even that good at English! Is this really what I want? Am I happy?

These questions plagued my mind for a few weeks, but after it's all been said and done, I've concluded that yes, this is what I want, and though I'm not good at English, I thoroughly enjoy writing papers.

Which speaking of papers, I am finishing up my 10 page seminar paper, the Freudian analysis of The Castle of Otranto. Yep, all I have left is edits and MLA formatting.

It's due Wednesday by 5pm. I'm confident that I will receive an A in this class. I have received A's on everything thus far and this paper is only worth 20% of our grade.

But we'll see. Taking 2 classes next semester, will be double the work, double the study hours, double the papers, double the stress and double the self doubts. But in the end, I'll look back, wipe my forehead from the sweat and say "whew! what a year" with a smile.

Enjoy the Holidays.

Back to it

I don't even remember where I left off on the paleo diet. But I can safely say that I tried, and failed and certainly won't be doing that ever again. Silly me, who am I to think that I can live without those sweet moist warm crescent rolls straight from the oven. Or what about those McDonald's french fries, or pizza or a turkey sandwich?!

Pfft.. I knew it wasn't going to last long, but at least I tried. I plan on keeping my sugar intake to a minimum though. However, if I really really want a Snickers, damn it. I'm going to have a Snickers. And a diet dr. pepper with it!

It's coming to the end of my first semester as a grad student at UTA. It's definitely been one hell of a semester. I admire my fellow students who have full time desk jobs, children and a spouse to take care of at the end of the day and still manage to make it to class every week, and successfully complete all the homework assignments and required readings. I'll admit, that after my midterm I didn't do ALL of the required readings, but I scanned them to get the gist and be able to discuss them in class.

For the final, we are required to write an 8-10 page seminar paper over pretty much anything we want as long as it includes some theory. I chose one of my all time favorite books, The Castle of Otranto. I'm sure 99% of you haven't even heard of it. Most literature students haven't even heard of it. But, I was lucky enough to have a teacher as an undergrad who loved the book as much as I do. It's considered the first Gothic novel. Written in 1764 by Horace Walpole, it combines tyranny, ghastly phantoms, ancient prophecies, damsels in distress and dark secret passageways into 100 pages. Though Walpole claims he wrote the book from a frightening dream he had one night, I believe all that Lithium that most men were consuming at the time and the fact he lived in a huge castle, Strawberry Hill, all by himself... I'm not so sure it was a dream after all. Probably more like a hallucination. Ha! Sorry Horace but that's what I think.

As an undergrad, having read this novel, I chose to write an 8 page paper over it. I went back and read it last night as I began working on my seminar paper, apparently I find myself a lot funnier than most people find me. I titled it "Being Gothic is More than a Fashion Statement". Really, come on! That's funny! My teacher didn't think it was clever, quirky, or humorous. I think she failed me on the paper.

That's okay though it wasn't a very good paper anyway. I have a bad habit of writing one copy, editing it and calling it quits. For grad school, I can't exactly do that. I don't plan on it either. I'll write one copy, send it over to the UTA writing lab, rewrite the paper, edit and call it quits. I keep telling people that I don't give 100% to anything. I know it's bad, and kinda sad. But the way I see it is if you only give 80% and you fail, then you don't get hurt as bad as if you gave 100% and failed.

The 80% rule has worked decently for me over the years. I'm sure I could have done better on a lot of my school work had I given 100% or even 90%, but why take the risk? I just don't see the point. 80% works well for me.

But I suppose since this is graduate school and all, I'll probably bump it up to 90% and then come the final semester before I write my thesis I'll bump it up to 95% and write my thesis at 100%. That's pretty much all that matters anyway when it comes down to getting my Masters Degree.

But then again I have another year or so until I have to worry about my thesis. But I'll bet that one way or another I will incorporate The Castle of Otranto into my thesis. This book is so versatile that you can pretty much use it no matter what theory or object you're trying to write about. That's why I LOVE it! Plus it's only 100 pages so it's a quick read, which is good because my attention span doesn't last much longer in one sitting than 100 pages.

I will post my undergraduate paper about this novel in a few days, then once I receive my final grade for this class I will post my seminar paper, if I can. I want to submit it to a few journals first, and some journals don't want any previously published work. And posting it on facebook/ blog is considered previously published. If that happens just ask me for a copy and I'll email it to you.

Day 6,7 & 8

Day 6 and 7 were okay. I'm really good at starting the day off paleo but once it gets around 4pm life gets tough. That's when I get really hungry and tired of paleo food. I crave then. I haven't gone 100% paleo these past few days, but I'm making more conscious decisions.

Which is the whole point right?

Yeah, I think so.

So it's day 8 and it's kinda depressing thinking about how I couldn't even go 7 days without bread or sugar. :/ Makes me feel like a failure. Like I'm not in control of my own life. I hate that feeling. Not being in control.

ugh.

I want to make the challenge of really not consuming dairy, wheat or sugar for 7 days. Maybe after tomorrow I'll try it again. I will have to sit down this weekend and find some serious paleo recipes to try because I'm bored with steak and sweet potatoes.

I'm not going to splurge tomorrow, I'm going to be cautious tomorrow during Thanksgiving lunch. the 3/4ths rule of. 3/4th veggies and 1/4 meat. then a little tiny small slice of pie.

:)

Day 5, I'm going BANANAS!

Paleo pancakes redo, surprisingly better this morning.

I used the recipe from yesterday only this time I added sliced banana into the mixture in the frying pan. When I flipped the pancakes the bananas became encased within the batter. Then I added some fruit on top. So with every bite I had a nice piece of fruit. Of course the pancake still tasted like a sponge alone but with the fruit it was pretty dang good.

It's a life saver.

Though it's day 5 and I started off well I was still starving after breakfast.

It seems that I am always starving these days but there's nothing I can do because I don't want steak and sweet potatoes. So i drink another cup of coffee to satisfy me until my next cup. It sucks.

For lunch I made a chopped chicken salad with romaine lettuce and shredded cabbage. Use a wee amount of ranch dressing as opposed to balsamic. I can't seem to choke the dressing down on a salad, but it's great as a marinade.

After lunch I went to the mall to get out for some fresh air.

Starving, yet again. I convince myself into a slice of Sabarro's pizza. Hey it was three meat pizza if it counts!! Guilt level-3, surprisingly.

I'm coming to the realization that I can't go every single day for the rest of my life not eating bread, or something sweet. I mean what's the fun in life if you can't have a little ice cream every now and then?

Come on, it's one of the first things kids learn about, "pretty please with cherries and whipped cream on top?!" on top of what? Ice cream- DUH!!

So, with that being said, I am going to do everything in my power to keep to the paleo diet but not deny myself anything, just be a hell of a lot more cautious about it.

But still Taco Bell, Chickfila, Wendy's, Little Ceasars will be apart of my life, just not every day or every other day like in the past.

Seriously, think about it, how boring is this paleo diet?! Pretty dang boring if you ask me, but I'm no professional chef so when I cook, I cook according to flavor and texture, not what goes together.

Hence, porkin, and paek. I marinate pork as I would chicken or steak. I also add buffalo sauce to anything and everything. of course I never added straight sugar to anything but I'm sure the processed meat and seasoning I use contains sugar.

As most of you know, for the past 10 years of my life I have had very bad muscle cramps and shin splints, due to my low potassium levels. So it compensate I would eat one banana per year. To do a little math, from the year 1999 to the end of 2009 I had eaten exactly 10 bananas. Crazy right? But bananas are gross, I can't stand the texture of it. Love the flavor such as banana laffy taffy's but like jello I can't figure out whether to chew the banana in my mouth or mush it and swallow.

So for my 2010 new years resolution I wanted to eat more bananas this year due to my reoccurring shin splints and muscle cramps. I swear I have eaten more bananas in the past 5 days than I have in the past 10 years. Unfortunately, I still can't figure out whether to chew it or mush it in my mouth, but I'm starting to be okay with them. Sometimes I will chew them, and sometimes I will mush them in between my teeth and swallow.

Anyway, so I'm going to do what I can to stick to this paleo diet but not be so restrictive. If I'm starving and don't feel like cooking. I'll go to Chili's and have a piece of grilled chicken with rice/beans and a salad rather than french fries and a double chocolate molten chocolate cake with ice cream.

But seriously, if I want to have ice cream, by George, I'm going to have ice cream! Just not more than once a week.

I'm starting to not crave sugar like I used to but the diet pepsi I had from Sabarro's made me crave sugar like crazy!! So I guess I'm going to have to ban sodas for good. I will have to figure out something for a sub for water and coffee occasionally. Maybe flavored water.

Day 6 tomorrow. I want to stick to paleo all day tomorrow just to know I haven't given up completely.

Day 4- feeling better

JESUS ATE BREAD, SO WHY CAN'T I??


Day 4 was difficult but I made it past the 3 day hump so I think my cravings for bread and sugar are subsiding... Ah who am I kidding?! Give a mouse a cookie and it'll ask for a glass of milk. So I started day 4 off decent. Friday after noon I did some research on paleo pancakes and other bread like sources of food for me to have. I found a decent easy recipe for peo pancakes that calls for almond flour.

I don't know if any of y'all have ever bought almond flour, but that stuff is RIDICULOUSLY expensive!! $10 for a 16 ounce bag! Are you serious? For those of you who know me well enough that I've taken you grocery shopping with me, know that I find it absurd to pay more they $5 for any one item in the store. Of course sometime I have to because there is no "great value" version, but I do the best I can to save money where it counts. Most great value stuff tastes the exact same. Like great values cereal cocoa cool, tastes the exact same as cocoa puffs.

Anyway, so I subbed for all purpose baking flour that was $4 and next to the sponge flour on the shelf (it's still paleo).

So this pancake recipe I had called for flour egg banana cinnamon and vanilla extract.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Sure it was piece of (evil, sugar packed, paleo ruiner) cake, but it tasted like a sponge.

It looked like a sponge.

Hmm... Think about how that ruined my excitement for pancakes.

Sad. But I ate it. Had a kinda sorta in a squint your eyes and cock your head to the left in dim light kind of way, resemblance to a real pancake.

CUP O' COFFEE SAVED MY LIFE.

went to Rockwall shortly after breakfast. Things were going good, got hit on by the guy who changed my oil at Walmart, finished a chapter in my book, and bought Christmas presents. The lunch time hit. and Chickfila called my name.

ugh!

Resist Meghan, RESIST!!!

I had a spicy chicken sandwich with french fries.

DELICIOUS!

Guilt level-5

That's okay, I knew I was going to Saltgrass steakhouse for dinner so I called it my "cheat day".

All I can say at this point is if bad food is my only drug, call me an addict.
Luckily though, I can have cheat days. Drug addicts, cant. Suckers!

I sat down and Saltgrass and the waiter placed that large loaf for Shinerbock bread in front of me... OH THE AGNOY!! OH WHO CARES!

I devoured almost 3 loaves of bread before my meal even came.

I had, ugh, a steak and a sweet potato.

ugh, would have been amazing if I hadn't been eating steak and sweet potatoes for the past few days. But their steak, even though I ordered it without seasoning and the garlic butter still tasted much much better than anything I could have ever made.

I swear I could hear the Rolling Stones playing in the background, "I can't get no, satisfaction!" stupid steaks and sweet potatoes.

and for desert... drum roll please... wait, let me say this, I didn't even want desert, it was given to us for free. A BIG FAT SLICE OF STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE.

NOOO!!! If I wasn't in public, I'd of licked the plate clean, literally. Almost did.

Guilt level about a 6 to a 7.

Though I know it's my "cheat day" but I probably shouldn't have had Chickfila AND Saltgrass, but I'd rather of had them on the same day than on separate days. So I only have to feel the guilt one day rather than two. So it was a good trade off.

All in all, I've learning to make better choices, for a better me.

Good heavens though, that bread! HOLY MOLY! IT WAS LIKE NOTHING I'VE EVER HAD BEFORE, IT WAS AN ALL NIGHT DANCE PARTY IN MY MOUTH! Most people would have rather of had three more slices of cheesecake, but I'd of rather of had 10 more loaves of bread.

Hello my name is Meghan and I'm a bread addict.


starting day 5 fresh and paleo all the way. It feels too good to not crave taco bell. I've realized that I'm more afraid of the guilt I will feel after eating fast food than I am afraid of having a heart attack at 45 due to the trans fat and bad cholesterol.

I've had my bread fix, hehe, so I should be good for a few days.

Haven't decided how long I'm going to try this paleo nutritional hell, but I like to be right, I like to win, so I'm going to go as long as I can. In fact, I'm almost starting to enjoy this. *GASP!!*

Though in reality I'm spending more money on food these days than before I started Meghan nutritional lifestyle change for a better me journey, I know I'm spending it on better options than that sweet sweet gallon of ice cream and Oreos.

Crap, shouldn't have thought that. Now I want an oreo.

ugh.

I guess another cup of coffee will have to suffice.

until next time, wish me luck.

Day 3 Paleo Hell

It's the end of Day 3, and I've done better than yesterday.

I did some research this morning for some paleo recipes, found a recipe for paleo pancakes and it sounds awesome. The only bad part about all of the recipes is that I don't know what the hell all these ingredients are. Date? Flaxseed? Almond flour? carob? cumin? some i've heard of, but never used, and maybe eaten unknowingly.

Breakfast:
A large banana and 3 cups of coffee with almond milk.

Lunch: steak from yesterday, and a cup of Del Monte mandarin oranges. The label on oranges say there is "no sugar added", but there is 3 grams of sugar on the label, yet the ingredients say only mandarin oranges. So I'm assuming the 3 grams of sugar come from the natural sugars in oranges. So I assume it's okay.

Yay!

Mom emailed me a recipe for Pumpkin Crunch Cake that she wants me to make for Thanksgiving, so I decided to try it Paleo style. In stead of 1 and 1/2 cups of sugar, I used 1 and 1/2 cups of mashed bananas and instead of yellow cake mix I used gluten, wheat, dairy and sugar-free baking flour. The pumpkin puree mix and the bananas as sugar tasted pretty good actually. I'd be really good as a smoothie or shake. But I misread mom's directions and put the baking flour on the bottom of the pan with the pumpkin mix on top when I was supposed to put the flour on top of the pumpkin mix. So it didn't turn out quite right. It was actually really bland with not much flavor and the flour didnt do anything. :/ Fail. I'll try again tomorrow, maybe.

After tasting a little bit of the evil sugar, I was craving, so I put some fruit in a bowl and added some almond chocolate milk. It was really really good, but still eh. A bit fat double scoop of vanilla and chocolate ice cream in a chocolate sprinkled waffle cone would have been WAY better. UGH! The AGONY!

So for dinner, I thought about having a steak and sweet potato, and I swear I never though I'd say this but SERIOUSLY? steak, again?! NOOO!! For those of you who don't know me very well, If I were to die tomorrow and could ask for one last meal, it would be a big fat juicy filet with a ginormous baked potato! Well, shit.

Not anymore. I think at this point I'd rather a huge loaf of bread, and a gallon of Twix ice cream.

So for dinner I reheated some chicken, fried an egg, added a slice of muenster cheese to the chicken and laid the fried egg on top of the chicken. It was a nice chance of pace from the bland chicken.

I'm not sure if this Paleo diet is going to work for me. Though it seems to be getting a little bit easier but only because I've been drinking at least 8 cups of coffee a day to satisfy my sugar cravings. Which I'm thinking it's only making it worse. :/

All I can think about right now is pizza. My mom called to see how the cake turned out, I told her poorly as she was chopping on something in my ear. "Mom what are you eating?" Pizza, she says. DAMN IT!!!

Do you remember the Kenan and Kel show, when Kenan Thompson would say, "Whyyyy??"

Yeah that's all I keep hearing in my head. At least it got "Welcome to good burger, home of the good burger, can I take your order?!"

I tried to find a clip of Kenan doing the "Whyyy" but I couldn't find it. Sorry! If you find one let me know please.

I did find this though, because if you watched Kenan and Kel you know how we all LOVE orange soda!