The Cut-up Method: A Cure for Writers Block

As the title of this post suggests, Byron Gysin's Cut-up method sure does help alleviate the destruction my fellow writers and I know all to well. The horrid disease called Writer's Block. I've had writers block for quite a while now, I can't think of anything to say, my finger's don't feel like writing anymore. So I attempted the Gysin method. Took an old poem I wrote, cut it up and taped it back together for something new. Of course it was entertaining and what came out of the cut-up sure was interesting but I wasn't look at a way to remix my own work. I am looking to produce new, original content. Ah! yes. The non-existent words "original content". There's no such thing. All word's have been spoke, written, signed, interpreted, etc. before in the same pattern I chose to use them. Of course it may not be in the exact pattern over all, but nonetheless, using a phrase at random, "The sky profuse with colors of red and gray, mingling together as if there was no place for the shades of color to go, hung in the air until all turned black." Damn, that just came out. Wasn't even really thinking about it... maybe I don't have writer's block. Maybe it's just the lack of time.

Not that that sentence makes much sense out of context, but my point is... someone, somewhere, has written something very similar. Using the colors red and gray to describe the colors of the sky.. no original content. Not plagiarism, but just not original.

Anyway,

moving forward, second semester is about to end and I'm beginning to learn that thing this people call "time" is an illusory term. If time existed, there would be more day light and less day light at the same time. There would be no distinction between night/day, weekday/weekend or even month/month/year. If time existed, we'd never grow old, never had deadlines, never worry about not having enough time or having too much time. I know you're probably saying right now that everything I just described is a universal recognition for the term "time". However, it is not. Time is something we create in the figments of our brain synapses. If I had time, I would be able to complete more tasks more often and at a substantially faster rate. If time existed I wouldn't worry about deadlines, or sleep. I'd have enough time to manage it all. Time management is all it takes right? wrong, time would be something that everyone could enjoy. Something people wouldn't stress over. If we only had ample time.

Life would be enjoyable. Life, a lover! Life. Like Orlando I contemplate the meaning of life, where does it exist? Does life exist? is there a difference between life and existence? How come we have two synonyms for the seemingly same meaning of one congruent thing? isn't it supposed to be congruent? If so, we wouldn't have to worry about time.

Hm... how about that for a cure of writer's block.. I guess time will only tell on that one.

Admiration For The Elders

So it's the fourth week of my second semester as a graduate student. So far, all I can say is, Damn, This isn't easy!

Every day is a constant struggle to keep up with work and with school, and still manage time for a shower. Kidding... Kind of. But no, for real. It's a lot of work. But you know what, I'm so blessed and thankful that I have the ability to attend Grad school right now, while I'm still young and single and still somewhat under the wing of my parents.

Every day I go to class I see these women and men who are at least 20 years my senior and realize just how lucky I am. Most of these women and men have full time jobs, real jobs, like go to the office 7-5 monday through friday. And they have kids, a home, probably some pets here, dinner to make, lunches to pack, chauffeuring to and from whatever sport is in season's practice and still manage to find time to not only attend class every week but also find the time to complete the assignments.

Seriously? These folks are my hero. I'm struggling to barely finish all the required reading for the week and it's just me at home. But then again, I suppose I should say these men and women are the true image of dedication. Me, I'd say I have different reasons I'm going to graduate school than they have, but then again maybe I don't.

A fellow classmate of mine who is in his late 60's told me the reason he is starting so late is because back in the 70s when he met his wife and got married she needed to finish her undergraduate degree, as he did as well. However, instead of finishing together he quit school and got a full time job to support his new wife so that she wouldn't have to take out student loans... Aw!! wait, wait, it gets better. Upon her graduation, he decided that the following school year he would go back and finish his undergraduate degree. Unfortunately, life got in the way.

His wife was pregnant, so he had to skip going back to school to get a better job to support his new family. He chose to wait even longer to go back to school because he and his wife wanted to make sure that their now 3 child had the opportunity to go to any college in the US and not have to take out student loans. Needless to say, he worked his butt off for 20 years. As his youngest daughter was about to graduate from college, he reapplied to college to now finish his undergraduate degree... 20 years later.

of course in the end, he finished his undergraduate work and decided to take it to the post- graduate level since now he had put his entire family single-handedly through college without any student loans. What a guy! huh?

I admire this man. I couldn't do it. I can't even begin to imagine how hard he had to work to become successful at his work and in the eyes of his family. The best part is, he finished his undergraduate work with a 3.8 GPA. Can you imagine the dedication and mental toughness this man had to go through to achieve that at the age of 57? Really, I couldn't even tell you how to do formulaic algebra and I took college algebra only 3 years ago...And it will be a distant memory in 10 years and in 20+ years it'll be like it never existed at all to me.

Anyway, my point here is I'm one of the lucky ones. And I am thankful for that every single day. It also shows me what dedication really is. Especially for those of you who personally know me and know I rarely give anything more than 60% worth of effort.

probably should give more but I just don't see the point yet.

Maybe I'll find it one day.

Wish me luck, and next time you see an older adult walking on your college campus, don't look down upon them because they're so much older than you. Look at them in admiration because you've got to be a very strong dedicated person to go back to school, and quite frankly, most of us don't have that.

New Year, New Me? Probably Not

Okay so it's 5 days into the great and wonder 2011. There's some sarcasm for you.

I have posted a picture of me on New Years eve 2007 going into 2008. I was 19 years old, 2nd year into college and I was flirting with 170 pounds. I'm 5'8, that puts me in the considerably overweight category, according to my BMI anyhow. I know that BMI charts aren't exactly accurate given a body builder with less than 7% body fat will be considered overweight with a high BMI, well I can guarantee you that I had a HELL OF A LOT MORE body fat than 7%. I probably had roughly 25 to 30%. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it actually is.

So anyway, here is my thought for the day:

I don't fully understand why people make new year resolutions. More importantly I really don't understand why probably 80% of American's new year resolutions this year is to lose weight/ get healthy/ be more active/ get fit... whatever you want to call it. Personally, I don't think that should be allowed for a new year resolution, because if someone wants to lose weight/get fit/be healthy, whatever they shouldn't have to wait until a new year. Most people begin to think about their resolution around Christmas, start formulating a plan of how to execute it properly, gathering information and probably buying some new work out clothes and shoes. So after they map out the resolution, Christmas happens. Christmas= mass food. Let's not kid ourselves either about Christmas food. Those sweet potatoes went from being low in calorie, naturally sweet, fluffy and wholesomely natural, to loaded with cinnamon, butter, marshmallows, and God knows what else people put in their sweet potatoes. Then there's the turkey/ham which again is good by itself but then we load it with thick brown gravy and calories and fat sky rocket.

My point here is, is that once most people decide on their resolution for the new year they will most certainly binge the last few weeks of the year. Thinking, "this is my last chance! Once I begin my resolution to lose weight I can't eat pizza anymore, or ice cream or baked potatoes! so I better load up now while I still can!!!"

There's the problem.

People try to relish every last crumb in the bottom of the bag before throwing it away, same thing with the new year.

I believe if you want to lose weight, start today. don't wait two weeks for the new year, start right now. Put the donut down and scramble some eggs. If you just polished off half a dozen glazed donuts and a large glass of chocolate milk, start at lunch. Rather than getting that double quarter pounder with cheese and a super sized fry and coke from McDonalds, run down to subway for a turkey sandwich, or shit if you really want McDonalds, get a hamburger happy meal. It will drastically reduce your caloric, sodium and fat intake and it will satisfy you just the same. But really, if you want to lose weight, bring your own lunch.

You know I read the other day on fitnessmagazine.com one way to really cut calories is to use an old Joy of Cooking cook book, you know the ones our moms and grandmas used back when we were little kids standing on stools to wash our hands in the kitchen sink... yeah, that one. It's calls for less ingredients, less amounts which leads to less calories and less weight gain.

Okay, enough of that observation. My point is, don't wait to change, change now, if that's what you really want.

For me, back when that picture was taken, I wasn't aware that I was that big. I certainly didn't feel that big. But I was. It wasn't under a whole year later, Christmas 2008 that I saw a picture of myself in a new coat and realized just how big I actually had gotten. I weighed my self and tipped the scale at 171 pounds. At that exact moment, once I saw that number I said to myself, no, no this isn't happen. I won't do it. And in that very instant I changed my lifestyle. I chose to be healthy and to lose the weight I didn't know I gained. I didn't wait until the new year only 10 days away, I changed right then. And of course I didn't instantly jump into a pool of broccoli, I still ate too much pizza at CiCi's, still had pasta and ice cream and donuts and everything else. But I was more aware of what I was putting into my mouth, and I joined a gym. Never was obsessed with calories or muscle mass, I just wanted to lose the weight. And somehow one way or another after about 2 and half years the weight fell off. Then when I moved last June I realized I gained weight again and didn't want it. So I joined a gym out here in Arlington. Now that I've lost the 30 pounds, I want to be fit. So I joined crossfit in October.

You don't need a new year to get a new you. Start now.

Make a change for a better you, because you want to do it for yourself, not anyone else. Don't wait to make the change either, start right now. Seriously, right now.

3 days

Well, I have 3 days left until I am officially done with my first semester as a graduate student. It's been one hell of a semester, thats for sure.

But I can honestly say, that I learned more from taking the one required English graduate course than I did my entire career at UNT.

Possible Contributing Factors:

1. maturity
2. excellent teacher
3. classmates who I really connected with
4. support from friends and family
5. not as many distractions as when in Denton
6. maturity
7. dedication caused by maturity

That's about all I can think of. I can not say for sure if any of those are the correct reasons why I learned more this single semester than I did the 3 years I spent at UNT, but I can say that it did happen.

Of course, I'm older and more mature, but I also don't have many friends out here in Arlington, and I certainly don't HAVE to be in graduate school, which provides me with the reassurance that this is what I want.

I'll admit there were a few times throughout the semester that I questioned my motives and questioned myself. Why am I doing this? I'm not even that good at English! Is this really what I want? Am I happy?

These questions plagued my mind for a few weeks, but after it's all been said and done, I've concluded that yes, this is what I want, and though I'm not good at English, I thoroughly enjoy writing papers.

Which speaking of papers, I am finishing up my 10 page seminar paper, the Freudian analysis of The Castle of Otranto. Yep, all I have left is edits and MLA formatting.

It's due Wednesday by 5pm. I'm confident that I will receive an A in this class. I have received A's on everything thus far and this paper is only worth 20% of our grade.

But we'll see. Taking 2 classes next semester, will be double the work, double the study hours, double the papers, double the stress and double the self doubts. But in the end, I'll look back, wipe my forehead from the sweat and say "whew! what a year" with a smile.

Enjoy the Holidays.

Back to it

I don't even remember where I left off on the paleo diet. But I can safely say that I tried, and failed and certainly won't be doing that ever again. Silly me, who am I to think that I can live without those sweet moist warm crescent rolls straight from the oven. Or what about those McDonald's french fries, or pizza or a turkey sandwich?!

Pfft.. I knew it wasn't going to last long, but at least I tried. I plan on keeping my sugar intake to a minimum though. However, if I really really want a Snickers, damn it. I'm going to have a Snickers. And a diet dr. pepper with it!

It's coming to the end of my first semester as a grad student at UTA. It's definitely been one hell of a semester. I admire my fellow students who have full time desk jobs, children and a spouse to take care of at the end of the day and still manage to make it to class every week, and successfully complete all the homework assignments and required readings. I'll admit, that after my midterm I didn't do ALL of the required readings, but I scanned them to get the gist and be able to discuss them in class.

For the final, we are required to write an 8-10 page seminar paper over pretty much anything we want as long as it includes some theory. I chose one of my all time favorite books, The Castle of Otranto. I'm sure 99% of you haven't even heard of it. Most literature students haven't even heard of it. But, I was lucky enough to have a teacher as an undergrad who loved the book as much as I do. It's considered the first Gothic novel. Written in 1764 by Horace Walpole, it combines tyranny, ghastly phantoms, ancient prophecies, damsels in distress and dark secret passageways into 100 pages. Though Walpole claims he wrote the book from a frightening dream he had one night, I believe all that Lithium that most men were consuming at the time and the fact he lived in a huge castle, Strawberry Hill, all by himself... I'm not so sure it was a dream after all. Probably more like a hallucination. Ha! Sorry Horace but that's what I think.

As an undergrad, having read this novel, I chose to write an 8 page paper over it. I went back and read it last night as I began working on my seminar paper, apparently I find myself a lot funnier than most people find me. I titled it "Being Gothic is More than a Fashion Statement". Really, come on! That's funny! My teacher didn't think it was clever, quirky, or humorous. I think she failed me on the paper.

That's okay though it wasn't a very good paper anyway. I have a bad habit of writing one copy, editing it and calling it quits. For grad school, I can't exactly do that. I don't plan on it either. I'll write one copy, send it over to the UTA writing lab, rewrite the paper, edit and call it quits. I keep telling people that I don't give 100% to anything. I know it's bad, and kinda sad. But the way I see it is if you only give 80% and you fail, then you don't get hurt as bad as if you gave 100% and failed.

The 80% rule has worked decently for me over the years. I'm sure I could have done better on a lot of my school work had I given 100% or even 90%, but why take the risk? I just don't see the point. 80% works well for me.

But I suppose since this is graduate school and all, I'll probably bump it up to 90% and then come the final semester before I write my thesis I'll bump it up to 95% and write my thesis at 100%. That's pretty much all that matters anyway when it comes down to getting my Masters Degree.

But then again I have another year or so until I have to worry about my thesis. But I'll bet that one way or another I will incorporate The Castle of Otranto into my thesis. This book is so versatile that you can pretty much use it no matter what theory or object you're trying to write about. That's why I LOVE it! Plus it's only 100 pages so it's a quick read, which is good because my attention span doesn't last much longer in one sitting than 100 pages.

I will post my undergraduate paper about this novel in a few days, then once I receive my final grade for this class I will post my seminar paper, if I can. I want to submit it to a few journals first, and some journals don't want any previously published work. And posting it on facebook/ blog is considered previously published. If that happens just ask me for a copy and I'll email it to you.

Day 6,7 & 8

Day 6 and 7 were okay. I'm really good at starting the day off paleo but once it gets around 4pm life gets tough. That's when I get really hungry and tired of paleo food. I crave then. I haven't gone 100% paleo these past few days, but I'm making more conscious decisions.

Which is the whole point right?

Yeah, I think so.

So it's day 8 and it's kinda depressing thinking about how I couldn't even go 7 days without bread or sugar. :/ Makes me feel like a failure. Like I'm not in control of my own life. I hate that feeling. Not being in control.

ugh.

I want to make the challenge of really not consuming dairy, wheat or sugar for 7 days. Maybe after tomorrow I'll try it again. I will have to sit down this weekend and find some serious paleo recipes to try because I'm bored with steak and sweet potatoes.

I'm not going to splurge tomorrow, I'm going to be cautious tomorrow during Thanksgiving lunch. the 3/4ths rule of. 3/4th veggies and 1/4 meat. then a little tiny small slice of pie.

:)

Day 5, I'm going BANANAS!

Paleo pancakes redo, surprisingly better this morning.

I used the recipe from yesterday only this time I added sliced banana into the mixture in the frying pan. When I flipped the pancakes the bananas became encased within the batter. Then I added some fruit on top. So with every bite I had a nice piece of fruit. Of course the pancake still tasted like a sponge alone but with the fruit it was pretty dang good.

It's a life saver.

Though it's day 5 and I started off well I was still starving after breakfast.

It seems that I am always starving these days but there's nothing I can do because I don't want steak and sweet potatoes. So i drink another cup of coffee to satisfy me until my next cup. It sucks.

For lunch I made a chopped chicken salad with romaine lettuce and shredded cabbage. Use a wee amount of ranch dressing as opposed to balsamic. I can't seem to choke the dressing down on a salad, but it's great as a marinade.

After lunch I went to the mall to get out for some fresh air.

Starving, yet again. I convince myself into a slice of Sabarro's pizza. Hey it was three meat pizza if it counts!! Guilt level-3, surprisingly.

I'm coming to the realization that I can't go every single day for the rest of my life not eating bread, or something sweet. I mean what's the fun in life if you can't have a little ice cream every now and then?

Come on, it's one of the first things kids learn about, "pretty please with cherries and whipped cream on top?!" on top of what? Ice cream- DUH!!

So, with that being said, I am going to do everything in my power to keep to the paleo diet but not deny myself anything, just be a hell of a lot more cautious about it.

But still Taco Bell, Chickfila, Wendy's, Little Ceasars will be apart of my life, just not every day or every other day like in the past.

Seriously, think about it, how boring is this paleo diet?! Pretty dang boring if you ask me, but I'm no professional chef so when I cook, I cook according to flavor and texture, not what goes together.

Hence, porkin, and paek. I marinate pork as I would chicken or steak. I also add buffalo sauce to anything and everything. of course I never added straight sugar to anything but I'm sure the processed meat and seasoning I use contains sugar.

As most of you know, for the past 10 years of my life I have had very bad muscle cramps and shin splints, due to my low potassium levels. So it compensate I would eat one banana per year. To do a little math, from the year 1999 to the end of 2009 I had eaten exactly 10 bananas. Crazy right? But bananas are gross, I can't stand the texture of it. Love the flavor such as banana laffy taffy's but like jello I can't figure out whether to chew the banana in my mouth or mush it and swallow.

So for my 2010 new years resolution I wanted to eat more bananas this year due to my reoccurring shin splints and muscle cramps. I swear I have eaten more bananas in the past 5 days than I have in the past 10 years. Unfortunately, I still can't figure out whether to chew it or mush it in my mouth, but I'm starting to be okay with them. Sometimes I will chew them, and sometimes I will mush them in between my teeth and swallow.

Anyway, so I'm going to do what I can to stick to this paleo diet but not be so restrictive. If I'm starving and don't feel like cooking. I'll go to Chili's and have a piece of grilled chicken with rice/beans and a salad rather than french fries and a double chocolate molten chocolate cake with ice cream.

But seriously, if I want to have ice cream, by George, I'm going to have ice cream! Just not more than once a week.

I'm starting to not crave sugar like I used to but the diet pepsi I had from Sabarro's made me crave sugar like crazy!! So I guess I'm going to have to ban sodas for good. I will have to figure out something for a sub for water and coffee occasionally. Maybe flavored water.

Day 6 tomorrow. I want to stick to paleo all day tomorrow just to know I haven't given up completely.