Creating Interpretations with More than your Mind

Flipping through random blog posts on Blogger.com I came across a blog that's latest post was a poem about cigarettes by Keith Badowski There Goes the Top of My Head: Cigarettes, a spontaneous poem by Keith Badowski. What a strange poem, I particularly enjoyed his line of "skin of a pacifist", of course the way I interpret that line is probably not the same way Keith interprets it, or any other reader interprets it. Which got me thinking about interpretations, of course. I could easily say that interpretations are what got me interested in studying English to begin with but then I'd be lying. It was the second, the first was that it was the only subject I was half way decent in in high school and I needed a major in college. After choosing English as my major I started taking literature courses. Of course, I got my bachelors degree in technical writing though. My theory on that, you can't do anything with BA in literature other than teach primary or secondary education after donating a specified amount of money and time to the state of Texas for a certification that says you are fit to teach these young students. Oh! thought tangent!! -> what makes a person "fit" to teach young students? Just because a person is able and eligible to pass a certification course, does that mean that person is not rightfully able to influence the minds of our young students? I would disagree, clearly, some educators are not "fit" for this position, see link here or here, how about some male teachers here. Point is these people may have been certified educators, however, would you consider them "fit" to educate the minds of the next generation? I don't think so.

Back to my original motive for this post: interpretations.
I love literature, do you know why? Roland Barthes is the reason. Because for me, Roland Barthes gave me the ability to interpret. He killed the author, so now, besides the words on the paper, I'm the only thing that matters. Of course that's about as broad and as general of an overview of Roland Barthes Death of the Author essay as you can get, but nonetheless Barthes killed the author and opened up the text for me to interpret as I please. Find Roland Barthes essay here.

After having read Barthes' essay the first question that came to mind was "what if the author is already dead?" Of course that was before having thoroughly studied Barthes essay, but still I believe it's a valid question. Food for thought, let's take Samuel Taylor Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Coleridge died in 1834, more than 120 years before Barthes essay and more than 150 years before I was born. So how do you interpret his poem, correctly? Is there a correct interpretation? How do you know it's correct?

My first encounter with Coleridge's poem, I interpreted the poem on the basis of witchcraft. Second time I read it, I found Greek mythology hidden in the waves of Poseidon and Artemis. Then I went to class to discuss the poem and found my professors interpretation to be that of the Christian's wandering Jew. So, how do I know which is correct? Of course I was going to believe my professor and fall victim to his personal interpretation because, he was the professor after all. But soon I found out that he is certainly not the only one who believes Coleridge's poem is interpreted as the case of the wandering Jew. I see it now that it has been so obviously pointed out to me and many many scholars would agree this is the correct interpretation so I shut my mouth and write it in my notebook. Of course in the back of my mind questions burn and churn with anxiety of why this is the common interpretation for his poem. Sure, Coleridge was a religious man and the poem is said to have gotten some shape by a fellow clergyman, but religion was instilled normalcy in the 18th century. So it's easy for modern readers to believe Coleridge was influenced by the wandering Jew. But what about my own interpretation? Why is this interpretation so widely accepted by literary scholars? What would Roland Barthes say about this?

Although Coleridge is already physically dead, he survives through his poetry. But Barthes cuts the Coleridge's noose from around his poems and kills him. Completely washes away any and all evidence of Samuel Taylor Coleridge from Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Now what? Interpret how Barthes wants you to. Cleanse yourself of 18th century knowledge, of Coleridge, Lyrical Ballads, William Wordsworth, religion, war, even nature as Coleridge loved so much. And read the text with a blank slated mind.
Let the words move and take new shape on the page and in your mind, be aware of how the words form in your mouth, how each word, letter, syllable makes you feel, physically, emotionally, mentally and even psychologically (which is different than your mental presence, thank my lover Sigmund Freud for that one). Now once you've obtained the text in your mind, what do you see? When you read, feel, hear, chew, form the words in your mind and on your self, I ask you, what is it saying?

Here's Coleridge's poem:

Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Try it on for a size.

Now,
That's what I call interpretation. No right or wrong, just being. That's all interpretation is, your thoughts on being. Being the words on a page, being the words on your lips, in your heart, in your mind, in your stomach. Interpretation is not just created by our mind, but by our bodies as well.

Would you care for more food for thought?
Here's a few other poems:

Tyger, Tyger

All Day I Hear the Noise of Water

Time and Eternity XLVIII

Purchasing Time

As I was filing through my kitchen pantry, appropriately known as the anorexic pantry due to its 12in width and 16in depth, I started to write down all the necessary items for my survival.
1. Almond milk
2. eggs
3. cage free chicken breast
4. chocolate, etc.

After finishing the list, or so i thought i had, i was racking my brain for anything else i might have left off. Then it hit me. I need time. No not Thyme the spice, but time. Literal, intangible time, hours, minutes, days. Unfortunately time is not something you ca purchase, if it were i'd be anorexic due to an empty pantry and fridge because i'd spend all my money on time.

During this thought process I began to reorganize my daily life to fit in the scheduled time i do have. You know the phrase, 'so little time', it confuses me because time doesnt change. it's constant, constantly moving forward. you can't stop it, reverse it, change it, shape it, mold it or hold it. So how is it possible to have 'so little time', when you had the exact same amount of time you did the day before, two weeks before, 20 years before, even 120 years before. So why do people complain about having such little time to do anything.

if there was a "biggest complainer about not having enough time" award, I'd have 17 of them for every year I haven't had enough time since I was 5 years old. From birth until 5 years old, you don't HAVE to do anything, you don't have responsibilities, you don't have to worry, you have someone else provide life, time, health, care for you 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Which inadvertently takes up your caregivers times in your selfish ways. But that's a whole other subject for another time.

So due to the inadequate amount of time we are given daily, i vote the government redirect their spending. I wont complain about the salary of the government officials, everyone else does that enough for me, but they could redirect their spending away from building more roads, more pollutant-ridden semi trucks and buses, oh, and stop paying these famous people 12 million dollars (J.Lo) to appear on American Idol and tell people they're good or bad singers. Really $12mil? is that necessary? So if they cut the spending in non-essential areas and give back to those who need it. Obviously the government is happy with this whole 24 hours/day thing, so i dont think that will change, but they could at least pay for time in other ways. For me, they could up my hourly rate (even by $5-10) that would compensate for having 1-2 days off per work week, which would allow me to focus more on my studies, which i pay a hefty amount for- which goes to the govt- and making good grades allows me to graduate at a reasonable rate and move on to more important things; such as educating those future leaders of America.
That sounds like a win, win to me.

But for others, it's the same thing.. take just 2% of J. Lo's American Idol money and give it to the Military so that those serving can have 3 weeks of R&R instead of 2. Or have R&R more often. Because when your family is separated, the hardest thing is finding more time when your time is limited.

Sip on that.

Holy Crap Batman! Where Did the Time Go?!

Birthday tomorrow.. ugh.


I hate birthdays. I used to love them, that was up until my 21st was peaking around the corner. I realized that soon after I turned 21, my life of looking forward to birthday was officially over. I mean come on what's there to look forward to once you're 100% legal in the united states? I can rent a car at 25, ok, but I also have my own car and insurance that will get me a rental if my car is broken. I can order off the senior menu at Ihop in 40 years, and get discounts at six flags. hm.. that's what I really want when I'm 62 years old, a big fat stack on hearty pancakes and roller coasters. I believe my blood sugar, cholesterol and new replaces hips will love all the wonderful gifts I get as a senior citizen. Oh yeah, and that who social security check I'm supposed to get, probably won't be getting that given the outstanding economy the US is supporting right now.

Moreover, after my 21st birthday, there really is no reason to look forward to turning a year older. In fact it should be more of a celebration for my parents than me. It means they kept me alive and well for an additional year. Though, I am no longer living under my parents rules, roof, or income, they still manage to be large participants in my daily life and choices; therefore, they have survived another year in helping form me into a working class, tax-paying, damn-the-man, graduate student, on the brink of insanity due to the cornucopia of work and school assignments with deadlines that are all too close for comfort.

In the grand scheme of things, I do enjoy the ability to look back and say "well when I was x years old, I did x". Howbeit, the fill in the blank spots usually begin with a low number and end with something either illegal or out right plain stupidity. But I supposed that's the point of birthdays. It offers people the ability to move past their past.

The Cut-up Method: A Cure for Writers Block

As the title of this post suggests, Byron Gysin's Cut-up method sure does help alleviate the destruction my fellow writers and I know all to well. The horrid disease called Writer's Block. I've had writers block for quite a while now, I can't think of anything to say, my finger's don't feel like writing anymore. So I attempted the Gysin method. Took an old poem I wrote, cut it up and taped it back together for something new. Of course it was entertaining and what came out of the cut-up sure was interesting but I wasn't look at a way to remix my own work. I am looking to produce new, original content. Ah! yes. The non-existent words "original content". There's no such thing. All word's have been spoke, written, signed, interpreted, etc. before in the same pattern I chose to use them. Of course it may not be in the exact pattern over all, but nonetheless, using a phrase at random, "The sky profuse with colors of red and gray, mingling together as if there was no place for the shades of color to go, hung in the air until all turned black." Damn, that just came out. Wasn't even really thinking about it... maybe I don't have writer's block. Maybe it's just the lack of time.

Not that that sentence makes much sense out of context, but my point is... someone, somewhere, has written something very similar. Using the colors red and gray to describe the colors of the sky.. no original content. Not plagiarism, but just not original.

Anyway,

moving forward, second semester is about to end and I'm beginning to learn that thing this people call "time" is an illusory term. If time existed, there would be more day light and less day light at the same time. There would be no distinction between night/day, weekday/weekend or even month/month/year. If time existed, we'd never grow old, never had deadlines, never worry about not having enough time or having too much time. I know you're probably saying right now that everything I just described is a universal recognition for the term "time". However, it is not. Time is something we create in the figments of our brain synapses. If I had time, I would be able to complete more tasks more often and at a substantially faster rate. If time existed I wouldn't worry about deadlines, or sleep. I'd have enough time to manage it all. Time management is all it takes right? wrong, time would be something that everyone could enjoy. Something people wouldn't stress over. If we only had ample time.

Life would be enjoyable. Life, a lover! Life. Like Orlando I contemplate the meaning of life, where does it exist? Does life exist? is there a difference between life and existence? How come we have two synonyms for the seemingly same meaning of one congruent thing? isn't it supposed to be congruent? If so, we wouldn't have to worry about time.

Hm... how about that for a cure of writer's block.. I guess time will only tell on that one.

Admiration For The Elders

So it's the fourth week of my second semester as a graduate student. So far, all I can say is, Damn, This isn't easy!

Every day is a constant struggle to keep up with work and with school, and still manage time for a shower. Kidding... Kind of. But no, for real. It's a lot of work. But you know what, I'm so blessed and thankful that I have the ability to attend Grad school right now, while I'm still young and single and still somewhat under the wing of my parents.

Every day I go to class I see these women and men who are at least 20 years my senior and realize just how lucky I am. Most of these women and men have full time jobs, real jobs, like go to the office 7-5 monday through friday. And they have kids, a home, probably some pets here, dinner to make, lunches to pack, chauffeuring to and from whatever sport is in season's practice and still manage to find time to not only attend class every week but also find the time to complete the assignments.

Seriously? These folks are my hero. I'm struggling to barely finish all the required reading for the week and it's just me at home. But then again, I suppose I should say these men and women are the true image of dedication. Me, I'd say I have different reasons I'm going to graduate school than they have, but then again maybe I don't.

A fellow classmate of mine who is in his late 60's told me the reason he is starting so late is because back in the 70s when he met his wife and got married she needed to finish her undergraduate degree, as he did as well. However, instead of finishing together he quit school and got a full time job to support his new wife so that she wouldn't have to take out student loans... Aw!! wait, wait, it gets better. Upon her graduation, he decided that the following school year he would go back and finish his undergraduate degree. Unfortunately, life got in the way.

His wife was pregnant, so he had to skip going back to school to get a better job to support his new family. He chose to wait even longer to go back to school because he and his wife wanted to make sure that their now 3 child had the opportunity to go to any college in the US and not have to take out student loans. Needless to say, he worked his butt off for 20 years. As his youngest daughter was about to graduate from college, he reapplied to college to now finish his undergraduate degree... 20 years later.

of course in the end, he finished his undergraduate work and decided to take it to the post- graduate level since now he had put his entire family single-handedly through college without any student loans. What a guy! huh?

I admire this man. I couldn't do it. I can't even begin to imagine how hard he had to work to become successful at his work and in the eyes of his family. The best part is, he finished his undergraduate work with a 3.8 GPA. Can you imagine the dedication and mental toughness this man had to go through to achieve that at the age of 57? Really, I couldn't even tell you how to do formulaic algebra and I took college algebra only 3 years ago...And it will be a distant memory in 10 years and in 20+ years it'll be like it never existed at all to me.

Anyway, my point here is I'm one of the lucky ones. And I am thankful for that every single day. It also shows me what dedication really is. Especially for those of you who personally know me and know I rarely give anything more than 60% worth of effort.

probably should give more but I just don't see the point yet.

Maybe I'll find it one day.

Wish me luck, and next time you see an older adult walking on your college campus, don't look down upon them because they're so much older than you. Look at them in admiration because you've got to be a very strong dedicated person to go back to school, and quite frankly, most of us don't have that.

New Year, New Me? Probably Not

Okay so it's 5 days into the great and wonder 2011. There's some sarcasm for you.

I have posted a picture of me on New Years eve 2007 going into 2008. I was 19 years old, 2nd year into college and I was flirting with 170 pounds. I'm 5'8, that puts me in the considerably overweight category, according to my BMI anyhow. I know that BMI charts aren't exactly accurate given a body builder with less than 7% body fat will be considered overweight with a high BMI, well I can guarantee you that I had a HELL OF A LOT MORE body fat than 7%. I probably had roughly 25 to 30%. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it actually is.

So anyway, here is my thought for the day:

I don't fully understand why people make new year resolutions. More importantly I really don't understand why probably 80% of American's new year resolutions this year is to lose weight/ get healthy/ be more active/ get fit... whatever you want to call it. Personally, I don't think that should be allowed for a new year resolution, because if someone wants to lose weight/get fit/be healthy, whatever they shouldn't have to wait until a new year. Most people begin to think about their resolution around Christmas, start formulating a plan of how to execute it properly, gathering information and probably buying some new work out clothes and shoes. So after they map out the resolution, Christmas happens. Christmas= mass food. Let's not kid ourselves either about Christmas food. Those sweet potatoes went from being low in calorie, naturally sweet, fluffy and wholesomely natural, to loaded with cinnamon, butter, marshmallows, and God knows what else people put in their sweet potatoes. Then there's the turkey/ham which again is good by itself but then we load it with thick brown gravy and calories and fat sky rocket.

My point here is, is that once most people decide on their resolution for the new year they will most certainly binge the last few weeks of the year. Thinking, "this is my last chance! Once I begin my resolution to lose weight I can't eat pizza anymore, or ice cream or baked potatoes! so I better load up now while I still can!!!"

There's the problem.

People try to relish every last crumb in the bottom of the bag before throwing it away, same thing with the new year.

I believe if you want to lose weight, start today. don't wait two weeks for the new year, start right now. Put the donut down and scramble some eggs. If you just polished off half a dozen glazed donuts and a large glass of chocolate milk, start at lunch. Rather than getting that double quarter pounder with cheese and a super sized fry and coke from McDonalds, run down to subway for a turkey sandwich, or shit if you really want McDonalds, get a hamburger happy meal. It will drastically reduce your caloric, sodium and fat intake and it will satisfy you just the same. But really, if you want to lose weight, bring your own lunch.

You know I read the other day on fitnessmagazine.com one way to really cut calories is to use an old Joy of Cooking cook book, you know the ones our moms and grandmas used back when we were little kids standing on stools to wash our hands in the kitchen sink... yeah, that one. It's calls for less ingredients, less amounts which leads to less calories and less weight gain.

Okay, enough of that observation. My point is, don't wait to change, change now, if that's what you really want.

For me, back when that picture was taken, I wasn't aware that I was that big. I certainly didn't feel that big. But I was. It wasn't under a whole year later, Christmas 2008 that I saw a picture of myself in a new coat and realized just how big I actually had gotten. I weighed my self and tipped the scale at 171 pounds. At that exact moment, once I saw that number I said to myself, no, no this isn't happen. I won't do it. And in that very instant I changed my lifestyle. I chose to be healthy and to lose the weight I didn't know I gained. I didn't wait until the new year only 10 days away, I changed right then. And of course I didn't instantly jump into a pool of broccoli, I still ate too much pizza at CiCi's, still had pasta and ice cream and donuts and everything else. But I was more aware of what I was putting into my mouth, and I joined a gym. Never was obsessed with calories or muscle mass, I just wanted to lose the weight. And somehow one way or another after about 2 and half years the weight fell off. Then when I moved last June I realized I gained weight again and didn't want it. So I joined a gym out here in Arlington. Now that I've lost the 30 pounds, I want to be fit. So I joined crossfit in October.

You don't need a new year to get a new you. Start now.

Make a change for a better you, because you want to do it for yourself, not anyone else. Don't wait to make the change either, start right now. Seriously, right now.

3 days

Well, I have 3 days left until I am officially done with my first semester as a graduate student. It's been one hell of a semester, thats for sure.

But I can honestly say, that I learned more from taking the one required English graduate course than I did my entire career at UNT.

Possible Contributing Factors:

1. maturity
2. excellent teacher
3. classmates who I really connected with
4. support from friends and family
5. not as many distractions as when in Denton
6. maturity
7. dedication caused by maturity

That's about all I can think of. I can not say for sure if any of those are the correct reasons why I learned more this single semester than I did the 3 years I spent at UNT, but I can say that it did happen.

Of course, I'm older and more mature, but I also don't have many friends out here in Arlington, and I certainly don't HAVE to be in graduate school, which provides me with the reassurance that this is what I want.

I'll admit there were a few times throughout the semester that I questioned my motives and questioned myself. Why am I doing this? I'm not even that good at English! Is this really what I want? Am I happy?

These questions plagued my mind for a few weeks, but after it's all been said and done, I've concluded that yes, this is what I want, and though I'm not good at English, I thoroughly enjoy writing papers.

Which speaking of papers, I am finishing up my 10 page seminar paper, the Freudian analysis of The Castle of Otranto. Yep, all I have left is edits and MLA formatting.

It's due Wednesday by 5pm. I'm confident that I will receive an A in this class. I have received A's on everything thus far and this paper is only worth 20% of our grade.

But we'll see. Taking 2 classes next semester, will be double the work, double the study hours, double the papers, double the stress and double the self doubts. But in the end, I'll look back, wipe my forehead from the sweat and say "whew! what a year" with a smile.

Enjoy the Holidays.