in the beginning there was me, and my dream...

I've been thinking, I've always wanted to become a writer, well a published writer for those of you who will cringe at my words and say, "if you write, you are a writer, regardless." Well, what good is it if no one else ever reads what you write, right? Okay, okay, I write for myself mostly, but I do have some good ideas and thoughts I'd like to share with the rest of the world. And that's why I want to be a published author. So I thought one place to begin, become a blogger. Though my words might not be in print and on a book shelf, like I'd prefer, most of the world is Internet savvy these days and not browsing the dusty bookshelves, so what difference does it make?

Let me tell you a little about myself first, I posses a Bachelor's degree in Technical Writing from the University of North Texas. Technical Writing? What's that, you ask? Well, in the broad scheme of things, it's a degree that allows me to write proposals, manuals, edit documents and such... Sounds boring, you say... well, it is. It's the degree the stereo instruction writer's hold. Why would I get that degree, you ask? Well the way I see it, someone's got to do it, and I'm not good at much else. For as far back as I can remember I've always read books, and I've always wanted to write. What can you really do with a Bachelor's degree in Creative Writing and/or Literature? NOT MUCH, I chose Technical Writing because for most of my life growing up I watched my father leave the house at 6:00 am dressed in slacks, a pressed shirt, with brief case in hand. In my mind he went somewhere magical. Someplace happy, with business calls, computers, money making strategies, and interaction with clients, all the while sitting in a really comfortable chair. I wanted to be my father. That's why I chose Technical Writing, so I could dress in business casual, carry a brief case, and work from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm Monday thru Friday. Ahh, that seemed like the life.

During my final semester in college, I got a job writing proposals. I worked 3 days a week due to class interference, 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, I loved it, for a week. I worked there for 3 months before putting in my 2 weeks notice. To my astonishment, was I wrong about the magical work place. Way wrong. It was hell, and I quickly pitied my father for having to do the daily routine 5 days a week, 340-something days of the year, for 40 years. I couldn't fathom the idea, I certainly wasn't about to waste the next 40 years of my life at a dead end job writing proposals. No Thank You, and shut the door.

I had just graduated college, it's june of 2009 around 11 in the morning on a beautiful sunny Tuesday. I am lounging at my apartment community pool, margarita in hand, day dreaming. "What about grad school?" I said out loud to my friend analogously lounging opposite to me. A month later I found myself moved back into my childhood home with my parents, no job, no current plans, browsing the web for information about graduate schools.

Where to begin? Take the GRE test. The Graduate Record Examination. Sounds intimidating huh? Yeah, I thought so too, especially since I'm not the greatest of test takers, had to take the SAT and ACT 3 times each, just to get the minimum score required for admissions on academic probation to UNT. It's not that I'm not smart, I have a hint of dyslexia and SUPER BAD test anxiety. If I weren't smart, you think I would have made it through college in 3 years and graduated with a 3.7 GPA in my upper level courses? Or maybe they were just easy classes as my biology major friend facetiously jokes.

I bought a book, GRE General Test Prep, by REA. I called ETS (Educational Testing Services) to sign up for the test, August 26, 2009, 7:00 am. It was July 13th. I had a little over a month to study, eh.. no biggie, that's PLENTY of time for preparation, I thought.

I spent a few hours a week casually perusing the GRE book, making vocabulary flash cards and searching college websites all across the United States for which school I wanted to attend.

The morning of my test, I woke up at 6:30 am, ate some breakfast, showered, tried to review some vocabulary words, but couldn't concentrate enough to retain anything. I was pretty nervous, but confident. I thought it was going to be cake.

3 and 1/2 hours later, I walk out with my head hung low, in shock, and feeling defeated. 390 verbal, 350 math?! I was at least happy with my writing score: 4.

Let me explain the test briefly, 3 sections: 1. writing, 2. verbal, 3. quantitative. Because I am applying for English graduate studies, the math isn't important, LUCKILY because I couldn't tell you what 24 + 16 is without using a calculator or my fingers. The writing section is scored 0-6 (6 is best), based on ability to organize, having effective command of the English Language and your ability to construct a graduate level essay. The quantitative and verbal sections are scored 200-800. (you get 200 points just for opening the section, you don't have to answer a single question and you get 200 points.) Seems easy enough, but it's not. The test is on a computer, called CAT, computer adaptive test, means the computer generates the next question depending on whether you get the question you're on correct or incorrect. you get one right, you get a harder one next, your score goes up. If you get the question wrong you get an easier one next, your score goes down. Kind of reminds me of a woman's emotions during pregnancy.

I need a 600 on verbal and a 5 on the writing section to get into the school of my choice, The University of Colorado at Boulder.

Again, I got a 390 verbal, 350 math and a 4 on my writing. Shitty.. I have to take the test again, mind you its $150 each time. You can only take it once a month and 5 times total in a consecutive year. This test was going to be the end of me, I thought.

I signed up for a 4 week prep course through Kaplan. Where they taught me different strategies and methods to use when approaching the questions on the GRE. The class itself was tedious, annoying at times, and painstakingly boring but very beneficial. I have learned new ways to approach problems I am faced with on the GRE in a highly effective way. My vocabulary has increased significantly, and I can actually attempt math questions with a little bit of ease. It was just like regular school, I had homework, quizzes and tests, and we even took attendance.

My new test date is Monday October 12th at noon.

Though I still don't feel as prepared as I should, I know I am much more prepared than the last time. It's Friday the 9th, I have two more days to cram as many vocabulary words, definitions, antonyms, analogy bridges, and increase my reading speed by 50% before noon on Monday. I also have to work this weekend, I couldn't get off the whole weekend, it's a new job, and a new restaurant. So I'll study around the mexican food, ice tea and tips.

My ultimate goal: To attend a highly accredited University for a Master's degree in British Literature. I also hope to do a semester or two abroad in England, maybe an exchange program at Oxford, anyone? That would be outrageous! Then after I receive my Master's, I will go on to a different graduate school to receive my Doctorate again, in British Literature, with a concentration specifically in 18th century British Literature. Come on, you have to love Mary Shelley, where would Halloween and Boris Karloff be without her imagination of creating Victor Frankenstein's gruesome Monster. I want to be a professor. I want to write scholarly books, I want to write fiction novels and poetry. I want to do research on Jane Austen and visit Bath to walk to streets Catherine Mooreland from Northanger Abbey walked.