i started another story.. but it'll never be finished

I awoke the other morning with the strangest want to write, so i laid in bed for a few minutes thinking of what i could write about. The sentence "He never had a real place to call home" came to mind and made me think of someone i used to know. So i pulled out a pen and some paper and just began to write. The words flowing freely from my mind, to my hand through the pen and onto the paper. I wrote for about an hour. After a finishing a few pages of text, I realized i wasnt even sure of what i was writing. I'm too afraid to go back and read it right now, but eventually i will, eventually i will have to to finish. But i usually never finish any of my writings.

So many people have complimented me on my drive and ambition to finish school as quick as i did, they compliment me on my ability to complete things, but what they do not know is that rarely do i ever reach a final end to things. I dont like to think of things coming to an indefinite end. Like books, for instance, I highly recommend the book The Delivery Man by Joe McGinniss Jr., it's one of the best books ive ever read in my life, it was a book i never wanted to end. Back to my writing, i never get a chance to finish any of it, its either caused by having little time, too many interruptions, but mostly life. Life causes me not to finish things, Life always tends to get in the way, in my head, it overruns my thoughts and blocks out my creativity so i can not write anymore. I never can think of a good point to a story.

I had a conversation with a fellow writer friend of my the other day and we talked about how we both have this ungodly fear of "what's the point"-itis. We can never figure out what the point to our writing is, and why anyone anywhere in the world would ever care to read what we have to say. "What's the point"-itis, i wonder if Stephen King or Danielle Steele or Vince Fylnn ever had "What's the point"-itis. I wish i could ask them.

J.D. Salinger once said “There is a marvelous peace in not publishing,” J.D. Salinger told The New York Times in 1974. “Publishing is a terrible invasion of my privacy. I like to write. I love to write. But I write just for myself and my own pleasure.”

I wish I could think like him. Maybe one day I will, maybe one day I will stop trying to influence the world with my writing and write for myself. Then it wouldnt matter if I finished anything or not.

I suppose I can live with influencing through my teaching... but that's not what I want.

Maybe it's just not in God's plan for me to be a published author. who knows.