It's Almost Time To Climb

Well, it's Monday, the official start of most school years, but for most colleges we start either later this week or Monday next week. I start school this Thursday. I've never been more excited and nervous about starting back to school than I currently am, right now. I fear the worst because I have had a long enough break off of school that I fear I have lost the "school mode". Summer 2009, my first official summer off from school since Summer 2004, ridiculous right? I know. I love knowledge- I can't help it. As summer 2009 came to an end, my friends who came home for the summer slowly, one by one began to move away from Rockwall and from me. I soon realized all of my friends would be gone and I'd be left with no one. Luckily, I was fortunate enough to find two jobs, one of which I made several friends at, as i've mentioned before, El Cayote Rojo. Working two jobs, I tried to mask the pain of not returning for another year of school because I was still in "school mode", my body still woke up early and still got tired earlier than most 21 year olds should.
As the days wore on my body and mind adjusted to life without school. Now that I have been successfully out of school for 1 and 1/2 years my body doesn't recognize the "school mode" feeling anymore. I believe it will take a significant push for my body and mind to return to school. The only difference now is that I have to work 40 hours a week and attend school as opposed to when I was an undergraduate.

Because I am only taking two classes this semester, each being offered one night a week, I know that it will take a lot for me to focus through the week and to make sure I kept up with all assignments. Though I now believe I should have been preparing all summer for this transition, I have at least started today.

I woke up feeling unusual, as if there was something in the back of my mind, some to-do check list, some memo I forgot to check. Though I consciously figured it out, I unconsciously did when I checked my UTA student email. LUCKILY, because my literature, film and life science of the oceans class teacher had emailed all of her incoming students to notify them of the already posted syllabus and reading assignments. DUE THURSDAY?! WEEK 1?! I have 7 reading assignments due the first day of class!! I've never heard of such a preposterous thing! The first day of classes are supposed to be introductory discussions, and perhaps a reading assignment here or there due for the following class, but reading assignments due for discussion the first day of class! CRAZY! I thought frantically. I dove head first into the syllabus and copied down all 9 novels I will need for the one class and headed to the bookstore. After unsuccessfully visiting 3 books store, I found one that carried only 3 of the 9 needed books. Next option, Amazon.com. Already ordered the rest of my books, however If they do not get here before Friday of this week, I'm pretty much screwed. Why? because I must have the ENTIRE, I repeat ENTIRE book of 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea read by next Thursday- week 2, along with all the other online articles posted by my teacher.

Whew! That's a hell of a lot of reading in one week. If any of you have ever read this book, or Moby Dick which is due week 3, you will know these books are not 100 nor 200 pages long. They are 600+ pages long and in very fine print.

At this point sitting here, I ask myself am I crazy, competitive, self-destructive, or do I really want this?

My vote for now is a little bit of all 4. I know I want this, I may be a little crazy for wanting it though, certainly competitive, and probably a little self-destructive because I will most likely lose all friends and all social skills over the next 2 or 3 years until graduation.

But I suppose for me, it's not about the job offers or the careers in my future, I think my motivation is that sanctimonious attitude inside me when I get to hang that silly little paper on my wall that says, "Meghan Self- Masters of English" I believe then all I will want is to be called Dr. Self after that moment.

As idealistic as that moment is to me, I must begin from the bottom rung of the education ladder, because at this point my Bachelors Degree only got me to the ladder, now I have to learn to climb it.