As you can see it's been nearly five months since I've posted last. Well shit. I'm sorry. Sometimes it becomes so hard to find the time to sit down and write anymore. I mean write for myself, not write period. I write all the time, in fact that's pretty much all I have been doing these past five months, writing and reading.
I've also decided to add a little challenge to things this semester, being that it is my final semester of course work I thought it might be interesting to see what it's like to do this whole grad school thing completely sober.
Not that I'm a raging alcoholic or anything, it's not like I even drink or ever drank socially much, but what I realized over the course of the past four semesters I've been in grad school is that the only time I tend to consume alcohol is when two things are happening:
1. I am alone and
2. I am writing papers
So, as we were all told and taught not to drink and drive throughout our lives as adult drivers I have decided to no longer drink and write.
Of course, I never had an issue with drinking and driving, that came pretty clear to me when deadly accidents occurred involving people I knew. But I always thought drinking and writing was a safe bet for me.
I'm not talking about consuming copious amounts of booze here people, I'm talking about have a beer or two, or maybe a glass of white wine. Just that one drink definitely helps take the edge and stress off and helps clear my mind a bit. Obviously, for those of you who have been around me when I consume alcohol I tend to run my mouth... a lot.. oops! :)
So I used to think it was the perfect combination. I could think more clear and write more. Now I didn't realize the effects of the booze/writing binary until I began receiving my papers back with less than A grades on them and ultimately receiving less than A final grades in my course works. So I took it upon myself to start a little challenge as I've already stated.
So far I've written several reading responses completely sober. None of which I believe are my best response work but then again I don't understand much of the material we are reading anyway and that's essentially the point of the response- to write about what we don't really understand.. So I'll take that as an easy slip through the cracks. It doesn't count.
Other than my reading responses I just finished one 7 page exploratory paper over the film Being John Malkovich and Lacanian Psychoanalysis. Although it wasn't much of a 'real' paper, definitely nothing one is suppose to submit to a journal or conference, but none the less I managed to rewrite the paper 3 times in 2 days and still pull 7 pages- when I only needed 5. So I'll take it. Meghan: 1, booze/writing: 0
I'm currently working on a book review that's due in 4 days, and I am embodying the essence of writer's block right now. Hence, why I'm writing here instead of in a Word Doc about my book.
I'm seriously considering pouring a glass of wine to help get things flowing, but I'm not sure if I should. I spent last summer with the same professor booze/writing for his class and pulled a B. I don't want a B this time but I can't seem to find a cure for my writer's block and no, Byron Gysin and William Burroughs' Cut-Up Method isn't going to work this time.
So I supposed the best thing I can do for myself at this moment is stare at my computer screen, stare at my book on the table and pray for some magical little elf to pop out between the sofa cushions and start writing my book review. Perhaps if I drink the entire bottle of wine that elf may appear. Hmm...
I hope that it is not another 5 months before I write again. Surely it wont be, but who knows.
But hey! I presented at a conference in the bullshit "Sunny San Diego" on the 16th of this month. That was interesting, considering it was my first time in SD and it was cold, raining and full of drunk college kids... 2 out of the 3 I was NOT expecting, so that was unfortunate. But the conference is over, and well, there really isn't much to say about it now. I was terrified going in and when I finished my jouissance ceased and I was back to the "Ok, now what" moment. A bit depressing if you ask me. Have to start all over again, find a new objet petit a for my jouissance, obtain it, and then start back at square one again. It's a never ending cycle of obsession and desire. ew. Thanks Lacan for pointing that out to me, jerk.
And, now that I'm thinking of Lacan again it's time to crack open the bottle of wine, stare at the computer screen and promise myself not to type a damn word until my body has processed all of the wine out of my system... God I hope that's possible.
On the plus side: I made chocolate chip cupcakes today. Likely will destroy the remaining 10 before I go to bed tonight. Dear God I hope not, but Lord are they heavenly!
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