It's almost that time now.
This rollercoaster ride I've been on for a year and unable to get off, is finally allowing the safety bars to unlock and let me be free. For just about a year now, I have been stuck in this captivity of life, unable to move forward, unable to move backwards, or side to side. I've been able to glance around, remember, look forward to and plan, but it's all been out of arms reach until now. I move to Grand Prairie in less than a week to begin a new journey.
Over the course of this past year, I have made incredible friends, I've learned to love, learned that it's okay to be imperfect, learned to laugh more than I ever have, but most importantly, I've learned who I was. Not that I didn't have a inkling clue as to who I was, but I learned that I don't have to try to be something for someone else that I'm not, I don't have to fancy myself up to impress people. I've also realized again that it's not about what we do it's about who we are with. Relationships are the center point of life. Being independent is okay, it's perceived well, but at the end of the day when you're all alone it doesn't feel good.
The friends I have made while being back at home I never though I'd ever be friends with. The best part I believe is that we all have one thing in common Rockwall. We are all from here originally, all went to high school together, and we all knew each other in high school but weren't close friends. Well I suppose I should say, I wasn't friends with any of them. They welcomed me into their friendship circle with open arms, they didn't judge me on who I used to be but they loved me for who I am now- and I them.
I'll say this about Beverly. We've known each other since 7th grade, we played basketball together, we've had classes together. We went to high school together, all along we've known who each other were but we never really KNEW each other. I started working at El Cayote Rojo back in October- let me back up, I moved home in July. I knew some people who had stuck around Rockwall which I was in Denton, but they weren't people you move home to hang out with all the time. So I didn't. It was a very lonely time for me. So I started working at Rojo in October. I instantly recognized Beverly when I started working there, the first few days we worked together we didn't really talk much. We knew who each other were but we were both unsure of each other. Would she be just another co-worker I say hi to and only talk to when at work, or would she be the hated coworker that I avoided at work. Luckily, it turned out to be neither. I remember the day we first talked. Standing by the computer in the back of the restaurant by the bathrooms, she was putting in an order, I needed to put one in, so I stood there quietly, when finally I said "hey, so what have you been up to since high school?" And at that moment she and I just talked, not the awkward, hey! trying to be nice and polite but I'm going to walk away now kind of conversation, but genuine. I finally felt good for the first time since I had moved home. She was my first real friend after moving home, and to quite honest I think she's the first real girl friend I've had come out of Rockwall. I love my old girl friends from high school, the ones that i've known for years and years but they never treated me the way Bev does. They were passive. Beverly isn't.
Sorry for the mushy mush stuff but it's that journey I've been rambling about. Even though I've been stuck on this roller coaster ride of 'what next?' I've found some good people to ride with. After I graduated I didn't exactly know what I wanted to do, I wanted to work, I wanted to go back to school, I wanted to travel the world. I had so many options in the palm of my hand and at times even though I wish I had applied for grad school for fall 2009, or wish that I moved my crap home and just traveled Alexander Supertramp style, I'm glad things turned out the way they did. I do feel that I spent my time here with the unanswerable 'what's next' question hanging above my head, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
The Rockwall rollercoaster ride is finally coming to an end and even though I now hate to get off because I finally just started to enjoy it, it is time to move on and begin life as a real bill paying adult. Not that I don't thoroughly enjoy free rent and free food, it's just time.
I now understand God's plan as to why he didn't let me be accepted to CSU, KSU, or back to UNT. He sat there and watched me struggle, cry, and feel like a failure because I didn't get accepted to the schools, but all along he was smiling knowing that I would soon realize that the relationships I made over the course of this year will last me longer than any graduate program. So he sent me to UTA to be able to flourish these relationships I have made.
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