I've spent the last months and a few days staring at the blank page of my blog, digging deep inside of me trying to pull out the slightest bit of something chewable to produce. Couldn't do it. Couldn't find anything worth posting. So since I'm stuck with writer's block I'm going to let go of my conscious mind and let my subconscious and fingers do the talking here. I can't make an promises this will be understandable or legible, but I'll do my best.
Some would say I lead a semi-interesting life, more of a dual personality I'd say. Going from the professional mature college graduate in the office putting her degree to use, then going to the casual "I moved back in with my parents" waitress at a local restaurant.
I don't know how I do it, but some how I manage. It's like I'm living two completely different lives here. By day I'm an adult, by night I'm still a kid. Maybe it's just because I can't let go of my youth just yet. I thought I was so ready for adulthood, jobs, bills, "on my own" life, but then I realized I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. Being an adult can be great sometimes, but after I finish at the office, I just want to kick off my uncomfortable shoes and play on the playground.
Youth is something you can only do once, I'll never be as young as I was yesterday, I'll never have the NATURAL wrinkle-free skin again, I'll never be this flexible, or mobile, or energetic, or free, if you will. Many people see this as an out, their out to immaturity, but that's not what it's about. It's about being mature, making mature decisions, but still being vivacious. Youth to me is the time when I can do anything I want to do, physically, mentally and emotionally. I wouldn't go as far as to say when I was 17 years old I was ready or mature enough to handle a real relationship full of love, or jumping out of an airplane, or even driving cross country for a camping trip. I can't say I wouldn't or didn't do such things at that age, but I did them with a sense of immaturity. Meaning, something always went wrong, or someone got hurt due to lack of maturity.
I realize these statements are arguable, however I am only speaking from personal experience and talking solely of myself, not of others, however this may and probably does relate to many.
I wouldn't say I'm wise beyond my years at age 21, but I'd still say I've learned a lesson or two throughout my life thus far and with those lessons comes responsibility and even more: maturity. Though I will still drive cross country for a camping trip, jump out of airplanes, or even fall in love once or twice, I do it with a sense of realism and knowledge. This time, I'll make sure I have enough money for gas to get us home, I'll make sure to have a back up plan if my parachute doesn't open properly, and for the best part of becoming mature, love. This time I'll be considerate of my partners feelings, I will suffice to giving and not just taking, I will be a partner not a dictator (and this list could go on, but I'll stop there).
My point is, even though you live a professional life, it doesn't mean you have to give up your youth. Ever. After the day is done and the bills are paid, forget about the house work, forget about your kids soccer practice, take a day or two and just be young again. Go camping, go bungee jumping, go get your toenails painted a funky glow in the dark color, play dress up and put on bright read lipstick and hot pink eyeshadow. Do whatever it takes to remind you that you're not dead yet so enjoy your youthfulness. Besides is there really a set definition for the word 'youth' anyway? at what exact point does youth become adult? There isn't a real set definition, and there isn't a specific turning point, so after the day is done go back to your youthfulness and enjoy it.
Note: When I began writing this post this is not where I thought it was going to go, but I just let my mind speak freely and my fingers guide me, and this is what came out. I hope you enjoy it.
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