Back to it

I don't even remember where I left off on the paleo diet. But I can safely say that I tried, and failed and certainly won't be doing that ever again. Silly me, who am I to think that I can live without those sweet moist warm crescent rolls straight from the oven. Or what about those McDonald's french fries, or pizza or a turkey sandwich?!

Pfft.. I knew it wasn't going to last long, but at least I tried. I plan on keeping my sugar intake to a minimum though. However, if I really really want a Snickers, damn it. I'm going to have a Snickers. And a diet dr. pepper with it!

It's coming to the end of my first semester as a grad student at UTA. It's definitely been one hell of a semester. I admire my fellow students who have full time desk jobs, children and a spouse to take care of at the end of the day and still manage to make it to class every week, and successfully complete all the homework assignments and required readings. I'll admit, that after my midterm I didn't do ALL of the required readings, but I scanned them to get the gist and be able to discuss them in class.

For the final, we are required to write an 8-10 page seminar paper over pretty much anything we want as long as it includes some theory. I chose one of my all time favorite books, The Castle of Otranto. I'm sure 99% of you haven't even heard of it. Most literature students haven't even heard of it. But, I was lucky enough to have a teacher as an undergrad who loved the book as much as I do. It's considered the first Gothic novel. Written in 1764 by Horace Walpole, it combines tyranny, ghastly phantoms, ancient prophecies, damsels in distress and dark secret passageways into 100 pages. Though Walpole claims he wrote the book from a frightening dream he had one night, I believe all that Lithium that most men were consuming at the time and the fact he lived in a huge castle, Strawberry Hill, all by himself... I'm not so sure it was a dream after all. Probably more like a hallucination. Ha! Sorry Horace but that's what I think.

As an undergrad, having read this novel, I chose to write an 8 page paper over it. I went back and read it last night as I began working on my seminar paper, apparently I find myself a lot funnier than most people find me. I titled it "Being Gothic is More than a Fashion Statement". Really, come on! That's funny! My teacher didn't think it was clever, quirky, or humorous. I think she failed me on the paper.

That's okay though it wasn't a very good paper anyway. I have a bad habit of writing one copy, editing it and calling it quits. For grad school, I can't exactly do that. I don't plan on it either. I'll write one copy, send it over to the UTA writing lab, rewrite the paper, edit and call it quits. I keep telling people that I don't give 100% to anything. I know it's bad, and kinda sad. But the way I see it is if you only give 80% and you fail, then you don't get hurt as bad as if you gave 100% and failed.

The 80% rule has worked decently for me over the years. I'm sure I could have done better on a lot of my school work had I given 100% or even 90%, but why take the risk? I just don't see the point. 80% works well for me.

But I suppose since this is graduate school and all, I'll probably bump it up to 90% and then come the final semester before I write my thesis I'll bump it up to 95% and write my thesis at 100%. That's pretty much all that matters anyway when it comes down to getting my Masters Degree.

But then again I have another year or so until I have to worry about my thesis. But I'll bet that one way or another I will incorporate The Castle of Otranto into my thesis. This book is so versatile that you can pretty much use it no matter what theory or object you're trying to write about. That's why I LOVE it! Plus it's only 100 pages so it's a quick read, which is good because my attention span doesn't last much longer in one sitting than 100 pages.

I will post my undergraduate paper about this novel in a few days, then once I receive my final grade for this class I will post my seminar paper, if I can. I want to submit it to a few journals first, and some journals don't want any previously published work. And posting it on facebook/ blog is considered previously published. If that happens just ask me for a copy and I'll email it to you.

Day 6,7 & 8

Day 6 and 7 were okay. I'm really good at starting the day off paleo but once it gets around 4pm life gets tough. That's when I get really hungry and tired of paleo food. I crave then. I haven't gone 100% paleo these past few days, but I'm making more conscious decisions.

Which is the whole point right?

Yeah, I think so.

So it's day 8 and it's kinda depressing thinking about how I couldn't even go 7 days without bread or sugar. :/ Makes me feel like a failure. Like I'm not in control of my own life. I hate that feeling. Not being in control.

ugh.

I want to make the challenge of really not consuming dairy, wheat or sugar for 7 days. Maybe after tomorrow I'll try it again. I will have to sit down this weekend and find some serious paleo recipes to try because I'm bored with steak and sweet potatoes.

I'm not going to splurge tomorrow, I'm going to be cautious tomorrow during Thanksgiving lunch. the 3/4ths rule of. 3/4th veggies and 1/4 meat. then a little tiny small slice of pie.

:)

Day 5, I'm going BANANAS!

Paleo pancakes redo, surprisingly better this morning.

I used the recipe from yesterday only this time I added sliced banana into the mixture in the frying pan. When I flipped the pancakes the bananas became encased within the batter. Then I added some fruit on top. So with every bite I had a nice piece of fruit. Of course the pancake still tasted like a sponge alone but with the fruit it was pretty dang good.

It's a life saver.

Though it's day 5 and I started off well I was still starving after breakfast.

It seems that I am always starving these days but there's nothing I can do because I don't want steak and sweet potatoes. So i drink another cup of coffee to satisfy me until my next cup. It sucks.

For lunch I made a chopped chicken salad with romaine lettuce and shredded cabbage. Use a wee amount of ranch dressing as opposed to balsamic. I can't seem to choke the dressing down on a salad, but it's great as a marinade.

After lunch I went to the mall to get out for some fresh air.

Starving, yet again. I convince myself into a slice of Sabarro's pizza. Hey it was three meat pizza if it counts!! Guilt level-3, surprisingly.

I'm coming to the realization that I can't go every single day for the rest of my life not eating bread, or something sweet. I mean what's the fun in life if you can't have a little ice cream every now and then?

Come on, it's one of the first things kids learn about, "pretty please with cherries and whipped cream on top?!" on top of what? Ice cream- DUH!!

So, with that being said, I am going to do everything in my power to keep to the paleo diet but not deny myself anything, just be a hell of a lot more cautious about it.

But still Taco Bell, Chickfila, Wendy's, Little Ceasars will be apart of my life, just not every day or every other day like in the past.

Seriously, think about it, how boring is this paleo diet?! Pretty dang boring if you ask me, but I'm no professional chef so when I cook, I cook according to flavor and texture, not what goes together.

Hence, porkin, and paek. I marinate pork as I would chicken or steak. I also add buffalo sauce to anything and everything. of course I never added straight sugar to anything but I'm sure the processed meat and seasoning I use contains sugar.

As most of you know, for the past 10 years of my life I have had very bad muscle cramps and shin splints, due to my low potassium levels. So it compensate I would eat one banana per year. To do a little math, from the year 1999 to the end of 2009 I had eaten exactly 10 bananas. Crazy right? But bananas are gross, I can't stand the texture of it. Love the flavor such as banana laffy taffy's but like jello I can't figure out whether to chew the banana in my mouth or mush it and swallow.

So for my 2010 new years resolution I wanted to eat more bananas this year due to my reoccurring shin splints and muscle cramps. I swear I have eaten more bananas in the past 5 days than I have in the past 10 years. Unfortunately, I still can't figure out whether to chew it or mush it in my mouth, but I'm starting to be okay with them. Sometimes I will chew them, and sometimes I will mush them in between my teeth and swallow.

Anyway, so I'm going to do what I can to stick to this paleo diet but not be so restrictive. If I'm starving and don't feel like cooking. I'll go to Chili's and have a piece of grilled chicken with rice/beans and a salad rather than french fries and a double chocolate molten chocolate cake with ice cream.

But seriously, if I want to have ice cream, by George, I'm going to have ice cream! Just not more than once a week.

I'm starting to not crave sugar like I used to but the diet pepsi I had from Sabarro's made me crave sugar like crazy!! So I guess I'm going to have to ban sodas for good. I will have to figure out something for a sub for water and coffee occasionally. Maybe flavored water.

Day 6 tomorrow. I want to stick to paleo all day tomorrow just to know I haven't given up completely.

Day 4- feeling better

JESUS ATE BREAD, SO WHY CAN'T I??


Day 4 was difficult but I made it past the 3 day hump so I think my cravings for bread and sugar are subsiding... Ah who am I kidding?! Give a mouse a cookie and it'll ask for a glass of milk. So I started day 4 off decent. Friday after noon I did some research on paleo pancakes and other bread like sources of food for me to have. I found a decent easy recipe for peo pancakes that calls for almond flour.

I don't know if any of y'all have ever bought almond flour, but that stuff is RIDICULOUSLY expensive!! $10 for a 16 ounce bag! Are you serious? For those of you who know me well enough that I've taken you grocery shopping with me, know that I find it absurd to pay more they $5 for any one item in the store. Of course sometime I have to because there is no "great value" version, but I do the best I can to save money where it counts. Most great value stuff tastes the exact same. Like great values cereal cocoa cool, tastes the exact same as cocoa puffs.

Anyway, so I subbed for all purpose baking flour that was $4 and next to the sponge flour on the shelf (it's still paleo).

So this pancake recipe I had called for flour egg banana cinnamon and vanilla extract.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Sure it was piece of (evil, sugar packed, paleo ruiner) cake, but it tasted like a sponge.

It looked like a sponge.

Hmm... Think about how that ruined my excitement for pancakes.

Sad. But I ate it. Had a kinda sorta in a squint your eyes and cock your head to the left in dim light kind of way, resemblance to a real pancake.

CUP O' COFFEE SAVED MY LIFE.

went to Rockwall shortly after breakfast. Things were going good, got hit on by the guy who changed my oil at Walmart, finished a chapter in my book, and bought Christmas presents. The lunch time hit. and Chickfila called my name.

ugh!

Resist Meghan, RESIST!!!

I had a spicy chicken sandwich with french fries.

DELICIOUS!

Guilt level-5

That's okay, I knew I was going to Saltgrass steakhouse for dinner so I called it my "cheat day".

All I can say at this point is if bad food is my only drug, call me an addict.
Luckily though, I can have cheat days. Drug addicts, cant. Suckers!

I sat down and Saltgrass and the waiter placed that large loaf for Shinerbock bread in front of me... OH THE AGNOY!! OH WHO CARES!

I devoured almost 3 loaves of bread before my meal even came.

I had, ugh, a steak and a sweet potato.

ugh, would have been amazing if I hadn't been eating steak and sweet potatoes for the past few days. But their steak, even though I ordered it without seasoning and the garlic butter still tasted much much better than anything I could have ever made.

I swear I could hear the Rolling Stones playing in the background, "I can't get no, satisfaction!" stupid steaks and sweet potatoes.

and for desert... drum roll please... wait, let me say this, I didn't even want desert, it was given to us for free. A BIG FAT SLICE OF STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE.

NOOO!!! If I wasn't in public, I'd of licked the plate clean, literally. Almost did.

Guilt level about a 6 to a 7.

Though I know it's my "cheat day" but I probably shouldn't have had Chickfila AND Saltgrass, but I'd rather of had them on the same day than on separate days. So I only have to feel the guilt one day rather than two. So it was a good trade off.

All in all, I've learning to make better choices, for a better me.

Good heavens though, that bread! HOLY MOLY! IT WAS LIKE NOTHING I'VE EVER HAD BEFORE, IT WAS AN ALL NIGHT DANCE PARTY IN MY MOUTH! Most people would have rather of had three more slices of cheesecake, but I'd of rather of had 10 more loaves of bread.

Hello my name is Meghan and I'm a bread addict.


starting day 5 fresh and paleo all the way. It feels too good to not crave taco bell. I've realized that I'm more afraid of the guilt I will feel after eating fast food than I am afraid of having a heart attack at 45 due to the trans fat and bad cholesterol.

I've had my bread fix, hehe, so I should be good for a few days.

Haven't decided how long I'm going to try this paleo nutritional hell, but I like to be right, I like to win, so I'm going to go as long as I can. In fact, I'm almost starting to enjoy this. *GASP!!*

Though in reality I'm spending more money on food these days than before I started Meghan nutritional lifestyle change for a better me journey, I know I'm spending it on better options than that sweet sweet gallon of ice cream and Oreos.

Crap, shouldn't have thought that. Now I want an oreo.

ugh.

I guess another cup of coffee will have to suffice.

until next time, wish me luck.

Day 3 Paleo Hell

It's the end of Day 3, and I've done better than yesterday.

I did some research this morning for some paleo recipes, found a recipe for paleo pancakes and it sounds awesome. The only bad part about all of the recipes is that I don't know what the hell all these ingredients are. Date? Flaxseed? Almond flour? carob? cumin? some i've heard of, but never used, and maybe eaten unknowingly.

Breakfast:
A large banana and 3 cups of coffee with almond milk.

Lunch: steak from yesterday, and a cup of Del Monte mandarin oranges. The label on oranges say there is "no sugar added", but there is 3 grams of sugar on the label, yet the ingredients say only mandarin oranges. So I'm assuming the 3 grams of sugar come from the natural sugars in oranges. So I assume it's okay.

Yay!

Mom emailed me a recipe for Pumpkin Crunch Cake that she wants me to make for Thanksgiving, so I decided to try it Paleo style. In stead of 1 and 1/2 cups of sugar, I used 1 and 1/2 cups of mashed bananas and instead of yellow cake mix I used gluten, wheat, dairy and sugar-free baking flour. The pumpkin puree mix and the bananas as sugar tasted pretty good actually. I'd be really good as a smoothie or shake. But I misread mom's directions and put the baking flour on the bottom of the pan with the pumpkin mix on top when I was supposed to put the flour on top of the pumpkin mix. So it didn't turn out quite right. It was actually really bland with not much flavor and the flour didnt do anything. :/ Fail. I'll try again tomorrow, maybe.

After tasting a little bit of the evil sugar, I was craving, so I put some fruit in a bowl and added some almond chocolate milk. It was really really good, but still eh. A bit fat double scoop of vanilla and chocolate ice cream in a chocolate sprinkled waffle cone would have been WAY better. UGH! The AGONY!

So for dinner, I thought about having a steak and sweet potato, and I swear I never though I'd say this but SERIOUSLY? steak, again?! NOOO!! For those of you who don't know me very well, If I were to die tomorrow and could ask for one last meal, it would be a big fat juicy filet with a ginormous baked potato! Well, shit.

Not anymore. I think at this point I'd rather a huge loaf of bread, and a gallon of Twix ice cream.

So for dinner I reheated some chicken, fried an egg, added a slice of muenster cheese to the chicken and laid the fried egg on top of the chicken. It was a nice chance of pace from the bland chicken.

I'm not sure if this Paleo diet is going to work for me. Though it seems to be getting a little bit easier but only because I've been drinking at least 8 cups of coffee a day to satisfy my sugar cravings. Which I'm thinking it's only making it worse. :/

All I can think about right now is pizza. My mom called to see how the cake turned out, I told her poorly as she was chopping on something in my ear. "Mom what are you eating?" Pizza, she says. DAMN IT!!!

Do you remember the Kenan and Kel show, when Kenan Thompson would say, "Whyyyy??"

Yeah that's all I keep hearing in my head. At least it got "Welcome to good burger, home of the good burger, can I take your order?!"

I tried to find a clip of Kenan doing the "Whyyy" but I couldn't find it. Sorry! If you find one let me know please.

I did find this though, because if you watched Kenan and Kel you know how we all LOVE orange soda!

Paleo Diet Day 2- "If at first you don't succeed, dust your self off and try again"

11/18/10
Woke up starving, but not craving bread, so that was good.

Went about my usual morning routine, made some French Vanilla coffee with a splash of Almond Milk for sweetness.

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs and 3 slices of lean bacon. A lot of people don't do this, but I HAVE to put ketchup on my scrambled eggs. I know most people think its gross, but my mom taught us to do that growing up. I guess it's a Yankee thing. But the point is, scrambled eggs with out ketchup = not good. But I ate them of course because I was hungry. Thank goodness I had the bacon to satisfy me. The only thing really missing from breakfast was a nice cold glass of orange juice! Luckily I am allowed to have fresh OJ, but the only problem... I don't own a juicer. :/ so water it is.

a few hours later and about 3 cups of coffee later I needed lunch.

The one thing I'm really liking about this nutritional life style change, is that when I eat, it's because my stomach is growling and telling me to. It's no longer my taste buds or my boredom making me eat- which I find awesome.

So for lunch I had grilled steak with Cayenne pepper, crushed red peppers, sea salt and pepper. It was pretty decent. Of course normally I'd of smothered it in A1 sauce, but it was neat to taste the meat rather than all the sauces and marinades.

Along side the steak I had a fresh romaine salad with shredded cabbage and carrots. I had ranch on my salad rather than the recommended Balsamic Vinaigrette; I just can't seem to find the right kind at the grocery store. A lot of restaurants carry a certain type of Balsamic dressing that's a brownish color but all the ones at the store are a dark purple-ish color. Then I cut up some celery, carrots and an apple to eat with red pepper hummus. Apples and carrots were perfect as usual but the celery tasted dirty.

Like real dirty. So I probably wont be eating celery again.

had two more cups of coffee after lunch to give me energy for Cross Fit later, which was extremely exhausting but amazingly awesome!

After XFNA, I stood in front of my fridge for about 20 minutes desperately searching for something, anything that would satisfy me. I never thought I'd say this but I'm tired of chicken and I had steak for lunch.

So here's where my epic failure comes in.
I went to Chili's.

:/ Guilt Level= 10

I had honey-chipotle Chicken Crispers, fries, corn on the cob and some chips, salas and queso.
Oddly enough, normally I can finish my plate and make a large dent in my refill of tostada chips and salsa, but this time I couldn't even finish my plate of fries or chicken before I started to feel sickly full. I suppressed my guilty conscious the entire time I was eating. I didn't care. I relapsed, but holy cow! was it amazing!

But then leaving Chili's my guilt level shot to a whopping 15 points!

Ugh! So disgusted with myself.

Had a single beer at Milos, felt sick the entire time. Had to come home and go to bed. Still angry with myself, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. What's done was done and all I could do was move forward.

I've been trying to think of a punishment for myself, like eating beets or mushrooms (both of which I HATE) but I know they're good for me and written all over the Paleo diet.

As for my relapse I am back on track this morning, Day 3. I will stick to Paleo today and through the weekend. I am determined now. The guilt last night is now more of a motivation because I hate to lose, I hate to be wrong, I hate to fail and I did, but it's okay- you fall, you get back up and try again.

Like the late Aaliyah said, "If at first you don't succeed, dust your self off and try again."

XNFA Paleo Diet Day 1

As I stated in my previous post, I joined a workout group called Cross Fit North Arlington. Calling it a "workout group" is too cautious, too easy, too kind. It's more a blood thirsty pack of masochistic wolves ready to tear at every muscle in your body. Aches and pains are mere figments of imagination to XFNA members.

As I stated in my earlier post, handicapped railing in bathrooms are a Godsend.

After beginning my journey to a better me, I've realized that the food I put inside my body is restricting me from becoming better. Therefore, I asked for XFNA's advice.

It's called the Paleolithic diet. I wouldn't exactly call it a diet, it's more of a nutritional lifestyle. Because we fat American's all know, DIETS DON'T WORK- long term that is. Diets such as the Adktins, South Beach, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, etc are only to help you jump start your way to a healthier you. Which in case and point the Paleo diet, is in fact not that. It's a lifestyle change -completely.

Now I bet you're ask what is the Paleo diet?

Basically, it's hell. Or at least hell for those of us who grew up on McDonald's, Wendy's, pizza, pasta, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and potato chips.

Basically, the principle behind the Paleo diet is to rid your body of unnecessary sugars, and then some. But before I continue let me forewarn you I am still learning about the Paleo diet, so do not take my information as strict dictionary facts. This is just my story, and my interpretation of the Paleo diet. "Meghan's Paleo nutrition", if you will.

As you see with many of the fad diets widely available for us obese Americans, the list of what you can NOT eat is four times as long as what you can. The Paleo diet isn't like that. There is only three simple rules:

No grain
No high fructose corn syrup/sugar
No dairy

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy, right?!

Not exactly.

If you're like me and the other billions of American's out there; we eat more than the recommended daily dose of carbohydrates in one day than we should for two weeks.

Yikes!

Quick story: When I was 16 years old, I became aware that I was gaining weight due to lack of exercise. I knew calories were something I needed to limit daily, but that was it. I assumed 2,000 calories a day was normal because that's what the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal box said on the side. "based on a 2,000 calorie diet". So I figured all it would take to lose weight is cut calories, right? WRONG. Cutting calories doesn't work when what you eat is junk food. Stupidly, I read the nutritional information provided on a loaf of white bread in our pantry. Roughly 100 calories per slice. Cool. Easy. Done. For about two weeks I ate nothing but white bread. Granted I was eating around 1,500- 1,800 calories a day... but still only in bread.

I stopped eating only bread after about two weeks because I was bored with it, and wanted some real food, like McDonald's. Granted I would still trade in a few slices of bread for my after school snack as replacement for potato chips and pretzels.

However, it wasn't until I took a P.E. course in college when I was 18 to realize what eating all that bread did to my body.

Too many carbohydrates= belly fat. Yikes again!

Since that P.E. course I've become more aware of exercise and nutrition. I've learned to watch the calories of what I eat and try to stay away from fatty junk food like oatmeal cream pies. (yum!!)

Back to the Paleo diet-

Today is day 1 of the Meghan's Paleo nutritional lifestyle change for a better me.

Before I go into telling you what I ate today, let me remind you that I'm not exactly sticking to a strict Paleolithic diet extravaganza- this is Meghan's adulterated version.

Breakfast:

1 scrambled egg, 2 lean Italian sausage patties and 2 strips of lean bacon

That was easy enough. I love eggs, sausage and bacon. After breakfast I thought this would be a breeze.

Lunch: Plain grilled chicken breast and a cup of fruit (strawberries, blueberries and raspberries)

Pretty proud of myself, hadn't thought about a bagel, toast, or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich yet. Though the plain grilled chicken wasn't exactly an array of different flavors in my mouth, it was rather dry and bland but manageable. It definitely could have used some Lawry's seasoning salt- but I can't have that. It contains sugar. :/

I went to class this evening. Totally cool, until 7 of my classmates showed up with frothy Starbucks coffee with whipped cream trickling down the sides of the plastic cup. That's when it hit me. THE AGONY! I watched every morsel of whipped cream tauntingly run down the side of the cup and onto the table. I don't even really like whipped cream! But class started shortly thereafter, so I was able to resist and divert my attention to the professor.

Dinner:

Class ended; and while driving home I thought the whipped cream was bad, passing Chickfila and Jack in the Box twice was even worse! The hunger pangs grew monstrously!!

Safely inside my apartment and free of fast food, I jump on some fruit. Then some carrots with a tablespoon of ranch dressing (which I know has sugar in it, but only 1 gram per tablespoon, so I allowed it as a reward for suppressing my Chickfila craving). But it wasn't until I opened my pantry to throw away some trash that the bread began to call my name. I have an extra large bag of animal crackers, a tub of un-popped popcorn from Blockbuster, graham crackers, half a loaf of bread, bagels, pita bread, marshmallows, Hershey's chocolate bars, tortillas and a huge box of double stuffed Oreos right in front of my face!!

OH THE TERROR! THE AGONY!!

Resisting, I heated up some chicken with Cayenne pepper on it, baked a sweet potato and called it a meal. UGH, can you imagine how dissatisfied I am after that.

If I could even imagine what a drug withdrawal would feel like, I imagine this is probably on the lower level of it but nonetheless a craving from withdrawal.

I'm anxious, unfocused, tired, excited, nervous, uneasy, exhausted, trapped, and feel very neurotic right now.

I almost gave in, I wanted to. But I knew the moment a put that sweet sweet animal cracker to my lips there would be absolutely no stopping until that bag was completely empty and I had turned the inside of the bag outwards. So I resisted, still am.

Unfortunately, I have a paper to write for class which requires extensive research and reading, but Lord knows there is no possible way for me to focus on my research when I have loaves of bread, and sugar plum fairies dance in my head.

I just pray the "3 day hump" is true.
Apparently, when a drug addict is in rehab, the first 3 days are the absolute hardest. But once you get past the first 3 days it gets easier. Dear God I pray that Day 4 gets here quicker than I can finish typing this post.

All in all, I am trying to keep my eye on the prize. A better, healthier, happier Meghan.

Support is definitely welcome, I need all I can get for this.

Day 2 tomorrow. More eggs, bacon and bland chicken I'm sure.

XFNA

Bored with your monotonous workout routine? Feel you need something extra? Want to add something extra? Or are you just plain crazy? Try Cross Fit.

Cross Fit (XFNA) is a group of psycho masochistic people who love to sweat, burn and make their muscles scream bloody murder. BADASS, right?

Definitely!

A few weeks ago, I found a link to Cross Fit North Arlington (XFNA) on a local rock climbing gyms website. The very first picture you'll see on their site is a huge man pushing a monster truck tire. Scared yet? Oh, it gets worse. I watched a few videos and looked at more pictures of people laying on the ground, faces red, sweat pouring out of every pore and orifice on the human body. intimidated yet? No? There were men and women of all ages, pulling, pushing, tugging, stretching, bending, pressing, running, carrying, dragging, and climbing anything and everything that challenges your body. Between monster truck tires to kettle balls, dumbbells, press bars, ropes, benches, medicine balls, fire hoses and beyond. If it's movable, you're moving it. Nervous yet? No? you should be. If you think it sounds easy, I'll pay for your first visit and if you're not sweating, and your muscles aren't begging you to stop I'll pay for an entire month for you to do this.

Anyway, so here's my story.

I dropped in for a single session one night and told the instructor I wanted her to make me cry. Told her I was bored with my monotonous workout routine and I wanted something challenging. She laughed at me and said "You want to cry? I'll make sure you cry."

Oh Shit! I thought. I was not expecting that.

Let me say, the warm up on the board seemed easy, a few stretches here and there, some push ups, some lunges, some jumping jacks.. cool no biggie. Little did I know my entire life I had been doing everything wrong. All those lunges, squats, push ups and yoga poses I had learned in athletics throughout middle school and high school... needless to say the coaches were a little bit off.

I was taught to do a perfect squat but sitting your butt down as if you're sitting in a chair but only have your thighs parallel 90 degrees to the ground, knees cant go past your toes, and then stand back up. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!

At XFNA, you go into pooping squat. You get as far down as you possibly can without having your hamstrings touch your calves. That's pretty dang low for those of us who have long legs.

So after learning the proper way to do a squat we did this:

Squats, push ups, tricep dips, squats, jumps, roll overs, dead lifts, lunges, jumps, squats, push ups... you get the point. For 45 minutes straight. You think it's easy still? This would make Jackie Warner cry.

After the 45 minute session I didn't know if I was going to pass out, throw up, pass out again, or even be able to get off the ice cold cement floor to throw up.

I was dead. And very very intimidated.

But I loved it! So I signed up for a month, two class per week.

The instructor warned me about DOMS, Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. She said I probably wouldn't be sore tomorrow but the day after, it would hit me.

The next morning I woke up and could hardly move. I was terrified for the DOMS to kick in the next day.

Let me tell you, that handicapped rail in the bathroom is a Godsend.

The following day I woke up and could hardly move again! This time I did some stretching in my bed before I got up. Which helped but still needed the handicap rail for the toilet.

Finally 3 days after my first workout at Cross Fit I regained full mobility and flexibility only to get my butt kicked later that night for my second session.

Dead- again. DOMS again. Handicap rail a Godsend.


As of now, I've been attending XFNA for 3 weeks. Everyday is a new surprise workout that utilizes my body's own weight and anything I can push, pull, drag, lift or carry.

If you're curious as to what our workout consist of, here's last nights work out:

Warm up: 2 rounds

15 pass throughs (take a pvc pipe spread hands more than shoulder width apart pull it over head and down to your lower back behind you without removing hands or fingers- pull it back over to the front. It's a stretch, feels amazing!)
200 meter run
15 push ups
10 forward rolls
30 sec downward dog stretch
30 sec stork stretch

Workout: 4 rounds

100 meter medicine ball carry (25pounds)
100 meter bear crawl
100 meter lunges

Sounds simple right? WRONG! I double dog dare you to try it. My legs and butt were on FIRE! I didn't want to go to sleep last night for fear of the muscle soreness I would feel this morning. :/ Yeah it hurts. Bad. It hurts in places I didn't even know muscles existed in that part of my body.

Anyway,

I've never been happier with my workout. Of course I still try to make it to the YMCA every now and as my one hour vacation from work, school and daily life.

But if there's every any one thing I recommend to a person who wants to get fit. Join Cross Fit.

"It's better to die standing then live on your knees."

To see some real results, my instructor told me try this "nutritional readjustment" called the Paleolithic diet. I am going to blog about my experience with the Paleo-diet starting now.