It's Sunday. The day I normally indulge my taste buds with a delicious dinner. But today, I feel like crap. I don't feel like cooking and my creativity is shot to hell because I've been reading all day day. I know what I should do for the week is cook up a bunch of meals and store them so they're handy and pre-made for when I get home from class tomorrow I don't have to do anything but heat up my dinner. But I don't feel like it.
I've heard that the first 3 or 4 days of changing your diet typically sucks. This is true. Back in November 2010 I went full out 100% paleo. Or at least tried. It didn't last long until I caved and probably, I don't actually remember but I think I blogged about it, ate an entire loaf of bread with a tub of butter and a pint of ice cream. Going full paleo sucks. I commend those of you who are full paleo but it's not for me.
I'm not saying it's not possible for me to be full paleo, but honestly I really don't want to. I enjoy pizza, bread, butter, bake potatoes, and ice cream every now and then and I can't imagine living the rest of my life without any of the a fore mentioned. Sure veggies are pretty to look at, all the pretty colors, shapes, sizes, textures. Yep. Veggies are great. But my favorite color is brown.
Veggies aren't brown. Bread is brown. Bread is good.
So I'm going to eat bread.
I really don't feel like going over what I ate today because it's really not even good enough to be worth mentioning. But I ate at home all 3 meals, so no worries.
I'm getting a little irritated with this challenge because I know it's not impossible for me to stop eating fast food or at restaurants as much as I was before I started this challenge but some days, like today, I really don't feel like eating anything here because it all tastes the same. I get the same chicken breast, same pork tenderloin, same beef every time I go to the grocery store so the essential product is always the same. I try to be creative with things like mixing veggies and mac n cheese with some chicken in a big bowl, I've made countless number of pasta dishes every which way. I've searched recipes for new ideas but they're all basically the same or require me to purchase odd products that I won't use but to make that single dish which I probably won't make all too often because I hate using recipes. Must be an authority issue I haven't worked out yet.
When I tell myself I'm only on day 5 it seems like I have a lifetime ahead of me until this challenge is over and I can go get a fat steak and sweet potato from ____*insert restaurant name here*____! But then I tell myself I only have 16 days left and all of a sudden it doesn't seem so bad. The magical powers of optimism I suppose.
Furthermore, you know that feeling after you eat a bunch of sugar your whole life and then you decide to just not eat a whole bunch of sugar anymore, that feeling like 2 or 3 days in... where you've surpassed the sugar cravings and now have switched into the GIVE ME EFFING SUGAR OR I WILL KILL YOU mode. Yeahhh... that's kinda how I feel right now. I think I have trouble denying myself things. I run with the attitude of "I have control over my life, I can change things any time I want. I just don't want to right now". Clearly, that's my problem. Geeze, I sound like an alcoholic or any other addict.
:/ that's not comforting.
And it's certainly not encouraging. But I'm strong willed and I'm determined. Plus I'm always right, or at least have to prove myself right to myself and everyone else around me, even if I'm CLEARLY not right I still throw out a good argument in order to appear right. (I'm a living, breathing, argumentative, self-indulging Sophist. ugh. I hate that.)
But because I have complete control over this situation of whether to purchase food or not, I have to prove myself right. Why start this if I didn't think I couldn't finish it? actually, that was kind of the point. I honestly didn't think I could finish this challenge and quite frankly I don't think I will. But I will be honest if I am unable to finish it so I won't just be internally ashamed I will let all of you reading this and rooting for to bend your head down and shake it in shame with me.
But I will keep my spirits as high as possible, keep my head up and my lunch box full tomorrow so I can accomplish one more day of this no purchasing edible products 21-day challenge.
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