21-day challenge Complete

Well that was fun.

Lessons I learned over the past 21 days:
1. It is possible to eat at home
2. Eating out really does make your gain weight faster than eating at home
3. Not eating out caused me to lose 2 pounds without doing anything different
4. I'm addicted to food
5. I can control my cravings and my addictions if I really set myself up with the capability and power to do it
6. I really do spend a lot of money on food

I don't know how much I saved actually because I didn't do what I said I would and put $5-10 into my savings account because this really wasn't about the money. I know I saved quite a bit because I have more money left in my checking account that I normally do at the end of the month, and seeing that is good enough evidence for me.

Ultimately what this challenge has brought to my attention is that I can in fact learn to control myself. Of course I believe it's going to be more difficult to not purchase food after this challenge because I wont be obligated to myself and my readers to be honest about whether or not I purchased food. At this point, who cares, besides me.

So I think what I've decided to do is come up with a plan and set specific dates that allows me to purchase food. It's always a nice treat to go out and let someone else do the cooking and let's face it Trail Dust steaks are just way better than the Walmart steaks I cook in the over. :) maybe not healthier but surely much much more tasty :)

And I full believe in not denying oneself anything. Ever. okay, deny yourself crack or other drugs, please. But as for food, sure it may be as unhealthy and eventually lead to health problems and kill you like crack will and very well the ice cream in my freezer may be more addictive for some than crack. Point is, I believe it's okay to indulge in a fat juicy steak from TD every now and then, or order that dessert or have that second cookie at the office work party.

That's what life is about, enjoying bad-for-you pleasures every once in a while. Otherwise, what the hell do you have to live for? Please, find me one person on this earth that says "MAN I SURE CANT WAIT TO GET HOME TO THAT HUGE BAG OF BRUSSELS SPROUTS!!"... ok maybe if they were bacon wrapped, sure. But please, I dare you to find me someone who prefers the healthy green over something really tasty like cookies, candy, ice cream, cake, brownies, etc. Choose your poison and live with it moderately. We're all going to die one day might as well enjoy some parts of life :)

I will say, however, I don't crave fast food any more. Sure food fast sometimes would be super nice, especially on Monday/Wednesdays when I'm starving after class, but I'm pretty much used to coming home and cooking now so I don't think today will be any different than last Monday when I come home.

Wish me luck!

What day is it? I feel like crap.

I don't even remember what day I'm on today, but I know this challenge ends on November 1st. So I guess that's all that matters.

My food supply is becoming really low. The contents of my refrigerator has now transformed to pretty much only liquid sources.
1. Jug of wine
2. Pitcher of water
3. Coffee grounds
4. Cream cheese- that may or may not be liquid goop by now
5. condiments- that are good for nothing since there's nothing to put them on or in

I have two remaining pork chops in the freezer and half a bag of frozen veggies. There's also 6 baby appetizer quiche things I took from my mom a while back but they're practically worthless as a significant source of energy.

I have 3 cans of tuna and some chicken broth in my pantry. Oh, I also have pasta. So it looks like for the next few days its going to be carb central and a low calorie diet.

of course I can go to Walmart for groceries, but that really requires me to have two hours of spare time to dedicate to fighting crowds, gangstas and inbred people: all of which I do NOT want to do.

This challenge has definitely taken an effect on me, I have noticed my weight doesn't fluctuate as much, which is good I suppose. I'm assuming a lot of that has to do with my sodium levels balancing out, little water retention= maintained weight.

The biggest change I've noticed is my energy level and strength. Pause for a moment...

think about what I'm going to say next...

I bet you're thinking I'm going to praise this challenge for improving my energy level and strength...

Right?

Well you're wrong.

In fact, my energy levels have depleted and as of this morning, I'm struggling to use my legs to walk around my apartment. Of course, it may be caused by my fatigue, which is probably the cause of my lower energy levels caused by my change of dietary conditions and habits. That's my scientific diagnosis.

Although I'm not focusing on being a paleo eater during this challenge, the food I do consume has lower levels of sugar, sodium, and all that other weird process-y stuff. So I'm balancing out all the different elements of food, digestion and other biological elements in my body which I feel is causing this serious drop in energy.

Without all the weird process-y shit in my body, it's stabilizing itself, causing a constant stream of, um I don't know what to call it right off hand, energy and usage, maybe?

Everything is moving as it should, my levels are more stable. Therefore, I don't have that insulin spike, that sugar high, the sugar crash, the cravings, the feeling like crap after eating processed food or the high I get from eating the process-y food. Not even the pleasure of feeling full. Everything just is. And honestly, I don't like it.

I enjoy getting the pleasure from certain foods, the sugar highs that give me excessive energy to be overly productive at work or school. The sugar crash at 9pm that causes me to pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow at night. Now, I lay awake for at least an hour trying to relax, unwind, and fall asleep. Maybe this is what I'm supposed to feel like, but I certainly don't like it.

I skipped out on Crossfit Tuesday because I just didn't have sufficient energy to run two miles or throw a kettle bell 30 times or power clean any weight at all. I'm supposed to go today, but as of now it's not looking like I'm going to go. My legs feel weak, my eyes can barely stay open, my arms feel useless. It's exhausting just using my fingers to type this blog post. :/

I wish I had taken a blood sample before and after this challenge to see if there was any biological evidence as to why I'm feeling like this.

Of course, all this may be easily attributed to stress of grad school and writing this rhet/comp paper 5 days before it's due. (I don't procrastinate like this, ever. Which stresses me out even more.)

Oh, also another thing I've noticed. I've been getting more headaches more often. I've done some research on headaches because I used to get them all the time, not migraines, but serious splitting headaches. They stopped once I started eating better and exercising more regularly, but now that I've been on this challenge, they're back. It could be my body's way of flushing out all the crap I was eating before, but it's been more than two weeks, I'd think all the process-y food crap I ate prior to Oct 12th would be out of my system by now. So that doesn't quite explain why all of a sudden I've been getting these massive headaches.

I'm going to go to force myself to go to Crossfit tonight, no matter how shitty I feel because I need to 1. exercise, and 2. get away from reality for an hour and focus on being better, clearing my head, and feeling like I am capable of doing something productive today.

Oh it is also my one year anniversary at Crossfit. So I should probably go and celebrate by moving around twice as much or more weight than I could a year ago.

Day 10-12 : Realization in Process

I know I should have been keeping up with this through the weekend but I spent literally, every moment I could this weekend working on my seminar paper. I finally got a decent start on it. Well, at least the outline for the outline. :) Like I've said before weekends are pretty easy for me not to eat out because I generally hate getting dressed into clothes I'm comfortable walking out of the house in if I don't have to. Weekends I don't have to. Yesterday, I woke up at 7am, brushed my teeth, washed my face and brushed my hair. Stayed in my UNT sweatpants all day. Yes. It was pretty awesome.

So this morning as I was grabbing my breakfast/lunch-box heading to the office I realized that my fridge is depressingly desolate. All that's left is 3 of the 18 eggs, a large can of coffee grounds, cream cheese and condiments. I even used the last of the Almond Milk yesterday. :/ Luckily I still have two chicken breasts, pork and some frozen veggies. However, there isn't enough meat to last me for the next 8 days. I used all my bread, no more tortillas either. I suppose I may have to go vegetarian as this challenge comes to an end. OR I'll just have to drink LOTS of coffee as a substitute for meals and lose a few pounds... ha!

I may have to go back to Walmart for another pack of frozen chicken breasts by the end of the week, oh well.

I've been thinking about this food addiction I have. I honestly am starting to believe that it doesn't take 21 days to make or break a habit. What the 21 days does is it causes you to really stop and think about things. Come on you've got 21 days to sit there and think about the habit you're trying to break, I'm pretty convinced that anyone over any habit would come to some pretty logical and realistic conclusions about themselves and their habit. I don't think this 21-day challenge will ultimately break my bond with purchasing food, but I think what it will do and has already done is cause me to really think about purchasing food before I do. I purchase food because I don't want to eat what I packed for lunch, or because I'm kinda hungry and I know I'll be hungry later so I go ahead and purchase a snack at the gas station, or I get the 2:30 feeling and need a pick me up and what's a better pick me up than chocolate or a pack of Starburts? Luckily I don't keep cash or change on me otherwise I'd be snacking out of the evil office vending machine every day.

I think I've now become aware of what I'm doing and my triggers that cause me to purchase food and now that I'm aware of them I can work with and around them.

All I can say is on November 2nd I am going to Twisted Root Burger for dinner and eating a tasty buffalo burger. But after that, I think I designate certain days throughout the month, like 2 or 3, that I can purchase food. That way it'll be a treat, or a reward-ish. I know I shouldn't reward myself with food, but tough shit. I like food and I like rewards, so why not reward myself with a 1,700 calorie Molten Lava Chocolate Cake from Chili's every once in a while.

Day 9

I don't have any thing to bitch about today. It was pretty much relaxed, same ol' same ol'.

Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner

all at home. again.

At different points during the day, this challenge seems like cake, but then at other times it gets hard.

But I'm still succeeding...

12 days to go.

Day 8: Stress and Food

It's been a week. Normally a week wouldn't seem like such a long time, but this past week has serious dragged on. I don't think it's just because I haven't purchased any food but also because of school. I'm starting to work on my final seminar paper that's 50% of my overall grade. So naturally it's freak out Meghan mode.

I have a tendency to seriously stress when mid-semester rolls around and I know my final paper due date is creeping up right around the corner. So what's my natural stress reliever? Food. Comfort food. Hot greasy, fat and calorie ridden comfort food. On a normal stress day my comfort food is, as you probably gathered from my previous post, bread and butter. But when it's "paper mode" time as I call it. I don't even want to think about cooking or assembling any type of food. I don't feel I have time to assemble or cook food when I'm in "paper mode". I need something quick, something I can stuff in my face without thought or care as I hunch over my computer and books.

Here's a list of excellent "paper mode" food:

1. Chick-fila Chicken sandwich and fries
2. Taco Bell/ Bueno bean burritos (as long as you can keep them together)
3. Chicken Express chicken tenders and mashed potatoes -- I normally get corn but that requires two hands to eat and one hand must always be on the computer or flipping pages
4. Sonic chicken salad or Chicken wrap -- neither they offer on the menu anymore, sadly
5. McDonalds or Wendy's chicken nuggets -- they're actually easier and more efficient than Chicken Express tender because they're not crunchy so you don't get as many crusty flakes on your keyboard or in between book pages

Those are the top five go to "paper mode" meals. Here's a tip for you stressing "paper mode"-ers: Jack In the Box tacos are a bad idea. They're too greasy and your books and keyboard will smell like Jack in the Box for a week or two after. Of course, I'm not condoning anyone to eat those tacos, no matter how delicious and disgustingly cheap they are after a stint at the local pub, but nonetheless, don't eat them while studying and/or in "paper mode".

I imagine I'm going to have a bit of a difficult time managing my food intake and working on my seminar paper over these next couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I wasn't too smart when planning this 21-day challenge. The challenge ends Nov. 1 and my paper is due Nov. 7. Therefore, I pretty much have the entire paper writing time to not purchase food. Which to me, totally @#!*ing sucks.

But like I said in my first post when starting this challenge, if I didn't start last Wednesday I probably would have forgotten about it. And I think there's a saying for addict's that goes something like: "There's no better time to stop than right now" or maybe it's the other way around for motivational purposes... Doesn't really matter I suppose. Point is, it's too late for me to change my mind about this challenge and I don't have control over when my paper is due. So like I always say when people tell me not to stress and that I'll get things done, "Yeah, I have to".

I know that's kind of rude to say to someone only offering words of encouragement, which I really appreciate and most of the time need it more than I let others know but everyone knows I want to get my Master's and writing this seminar paper is what is going to get me one step closer. Therefore to get my Master's I have no choice but to write this paper. So although I greatly appreciate your words of encouragement and by no means please do not stop, I tend to be very hard and degrading towards myself when writing these papers. I suppose what I can ask is for you to say something like "Meghan quit procrastinating and get your shit done". I like constructive criticism because if I don't hear it then I think I'm doing things right and if I'm not I need to know.

The last thing I will say before I end this for the night to get started on more research for my seminar paper is: I honestly can't remember the last time I ever stuck with something this long, even though I hated it. I'm a quitter and I only do things I enjoy. Well, most Crossfit workouts totally SUCK while I'm actually doing them, but honestly I enjoy them. I love pushing my body to it's limits and tell myself "just one more round" when my body feels like it's going to collapse, shrivel up and poof into a cloud of dust, or more accurately melt into a pool of liquid on the gym floor. I don't really care to do things I don't enjoy and as much as I bitch and complain during the act, whatever it is, I know I want it or at least will want it in the end, otherwise I wouldn't do it.

So I guess you could say that I'm kind of enjoying this 21-day challenge... Kind of. But it sure as shit is stressing me the hell out.

Day 7: Food Addiction, it's not just me!

Posted on Yahoo! here:

Since May, Drew Manning has gained about 70 pounds on purpose. And he’s not done yet.

Drew is a personal trainer and has always been the “fit guy.” He’s now on a journey he calls Fit 2 Fat 2 Fit where he spends six months (he has about 4 weeks left) eating unhealthy food and not exercising, then he will take six more months to get fit again. Why? To experience for himself what it’s like to be overweight, how tough it is to lose weight, and ultimately show others how to get fit. But this is sooo extreme! And I hate that Drew is deliberately making himself unhealthy. I asked him all about it…

FFTV: Are you enjoying eating all those unhealthy foods?

DM: Yes and no. To some extent, all of these foods that I’m eating (sugary cereals, granola bars, juices, white breads, white pastas, sodas, crackers, chips, frozen dinners, mac n cheese, etc.) taste delicious. But then I feel like crap later on and I get hungry again and crave those same foods.


FFTV: You’ve gained about 70 pounds now since May – how do you feel?

DM: I’m to the point where I feel lethargic and uncomfortable. I definitely feel “addicted” to these foods. In the beginning, I did not like soda, but now I can’t go a day without, otherwise I’ll get the headaches, bad mood, etc. Emotionally, it’s taken a toll on my confidence level, even in my marriage. I don’t like the way I look in public; nothing fits right; bending over to tie my shoes or clip my toe nails has become so difficult. I’ve definitely taken those things for granted.

FFTV: You mentioned that you want to gain an understanding of how hard it is to be overweight – what have you learned so far?

DM: I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is how intense and how real these food cravings are. I think a lot of people associate the word “addiction” with drugs and alcohol, but I do believe this addiction (to America’s processed foods) is real and very similar. I know I’ll never know exactly what it’s like for every person that’s overweight and I don’t claim to, but at least I understand better than I did before when I never had to struggle with this. I hope to learn a lot more in the second half of my journey, from fat 2 fit.

-------------------------------

Wow. You can see a picture of the dude if you click on the hyperlink at the beginning of this post. I definitely don't feel so alone now with my food addiction.

You know I was thinking about this earlier today as I was eating lunch AT HOME again.

Addictions can effect anyone it just affects everyone differently.

It's really irritating to watch people eat whatever they damn well please, healthy or not, and not gain any EFFING WEIGHT, EVER!!! (I have a lot of irritable rage pent up inside about it).

But it got me thinking about food addictions. We, typical, healthy Americans, view all overweight people to have a food addiction. And perhaps that's primarily the cause of their excessive weight, I honestly don't know. Pretty sure having certain thyroid issues can cause serious weight gain regardless if you work 2xs a day, 6xs a week and eat super super clean and healthy. There are medical conditions that can cause you to actually gain some weight, of course I wouldn't think-- I don't know this to be true or not, just my ignorant assumptions-- that these types of rare medical conditions don't cause you to gain significant weight if you exercise and eat smart.

So these overweight people, right, we ASSUME they all have a eating addiction. But what about those of us who aren't overweight? I exercise regularly, I eat smart 80% of the time, but I can honestly stand up and say I have a problem with eating. It's taken a lot of fights with myself and a lot of hunger to conquer 80% of my diet to be healthy eating but that 20% still lingers and still rules over the 80% when it wants to. I think my genetics have a major role in why I am not overweight. And I believe this because when I was not exercising, at all, like none. The ONLY exercise I'd get would be walking to and from class or to and from the dining halls on campus when I was in college, therefore I was consuming excessively amounts of fat, carbs, sugars, and calories every day and not burning off adequate amounts daily to maintain a healthy weight. So eventually I reached 165 pounds. Then 173.5 pounds and that was the last time I stepped on the scale for quite some time and got my fat ass to the gym.

Ok technically someone my height, 5'8 can weigh between 128-165 pounds and still be considered healthy. So flirting with 165-175 pounds isn't scientifically that bad for me. But I certainly looked like shit. My point here is, it took me 3 years of NO (intended) EXERCISE what-so-ever for me to finally reach my overweight mark for my height. That was ages 18-20. Sure I know I was young and had a high metabolism and all the good shit, but I've seen younger girls, ranging ages from 2 or 3 years old to 20 years old being not just overweight, but obese to morbidly obese.

So I partially blame my parents for me not becoming obese during those 3 years. Thanks mom and dad.

Just because I didn't become obese doesn't mean I didn't accumulate a dirty food addiction. Just because someone's never had a DWI/DUI or blacked out hammered doesn't mean they're not an alcoholic.

Food addiction can happen to anyone. Alcoholism runs in my family. I've been able to keep clean from that, but unknowingly I developed this other addiction. I can't say if it runs in my family or not because I'm not inside my parents/ sisters/ grandparents heads so I don't know and I don't think anyone does know until one day it hits them in the face and comes full frontal attention. I didn't know until I started this 21-day challenge. I've got 23 years without knowing. Well at least, 5 years.

But now that I know. Shit's got to stop. I'm too much of a control freak to let something else, take control over me.

It's day 7 and I've successfully made it through without purchasing food. I didn't even really think about it today. Sure right now, as I sit here on my couch, home from Crossfit, getting hungry. I really don't care to cook anything and I don't have a go to meal ready so I'd LOVE to just run down to Subway and get a turkey sandwich, but luckily I haven't taken a shower yet and I'm not going out in public like this and I'm too hungry to eat after I take a shower. :) Good thing I'm logical and a planner. Otherwise I'm not sure this challenge would be successful thus far.

Cheers.

Day 6

Day 6, Monday. I work all day and go to school afterward. It was easy considering I had to pack breakfast, lunch and a snack. Unlike last Friday I brought extra food just in case. Didn't eat all of it, didn't need to. But it was definitely comforting knowing that I had enough to food in case I needed it rather than panicking because I might get hungry later and not have any food.

There's not much to say for Day 6. Not purchasing food didn't phase me really because I wouldn't have had time to stop for food anyway. Although a guy I work with did bring back Wendy's for lunch. As I sat there comparing my plain baked chicken breast to his spicy fried chicken sandwich. Inevitably I was jealous. But then I thought about how I'm actually eating chicken and well he, probably wasn't. So I win.

My food supply is going a bit quicker than I imagined it would but it's okay. I normally go to the store every 2 weeks anyway, so if I need to go to the store I will. Purchasing grocery store food isn't crossed off my 21-day challenge list. That would just be stupid. I'm challenging myself not to purchase food not not eat food. So if I have to go I will but for now I'm okay.

At home again tomorrow, all day. Will probably be a bit tougher however it's supposed to be pretty damn cold so I doubt I'll even want to get out of the house anyway.

Going to Crossfit as well, bringing a friend with me. She, like many other women, are afraid of weight lifting. But hopefully she'll enjoy it and realize that weightlifting actually isn't going to make you bulk up. That myth is getting really irritating these days. Give it up ladies. Look at me, I've been lifting serious weight for over a year now, I don't look like Chyna. Although ironically that was a nickname my sisters gave me when I was younger.

Day 5: It's Not Getting Easier

It's Sunday. The day I normally indulge my taste buds with a delicious dinner. But today, I feel like crap. I don't feel like cooking and my creativity is shot to hell because I've been reading all day day. I know what I should do for the week is cook up a bunch of meals and store them so they're handy and pre-made for when I get home from class tomorrow I don't have to do anything but heat up my dinner. But I don't feel like it.

I've heard that the first 3 or 4 days of changing your diet typically sucks. This is true. Back in November 2010 I went full out 100% paleo. Or at least tried. It didn't last long until I caved and probably, I don't actually remember but I think I blogged about it, ate an entire loaf of bread with a tub of butter and a pint of ice cream. Going full paleo sucks. I commend those of you who are full paleo but it's not for me.

I'm not saying it's not possible for me to be full paleo, but honestly I really don't want to. I enjoy pizza, bread, butter, bake potatoes, and ice cream every now and then and I can't imagine living the rest of my life without any of the a fore mentioned. Sure veggies are pretty to look at, all the pretty colors, shapes, sizes, textures. Yep. Veggies are great. But my favorite color is brown.

Veggies aren't brown. Bread is brown. Bread is good.
So I'm going to eat bread.

I really don't feel like going over what I ate today because it's really not even good enough to be worth mentioning. But I ate at home all 3 meals, so no worries.

I'm getting a little irritated with this challenge because I know it's not impossible for me to stop eating fast food or at restaurants as much as I was before I started this challenge but some days, like today, I really don't feel like eating anything here because it all tastes the same. I get the same chicken breast, same pork tenderloin, same beef every time I go to the grocery store so the essential product is always the same. I try to be creative with things like mixing veggies and mac n cheese with some chicken in a big bowl, I've made countless number of pasta dishes every which way. I've searched recipes for new ideas but they're all basically the same or require me to purchase odd products that I won't use but to make that single dish which I probably won't make all too often because I hate using recipes. Must be an authority issue I haven't worked out yet.

When I tell myself I'm only on day 5 it seems like I have a lifetime ahead of me until this challenge is over and I can go get a fat steak and sweet potato from ____*insert restaurant name here*____! But then I tell myself I only have 16 days left and all of a sudden it doesn't seem so bad. The magical powers of optimism I suppose.

Furthermore, you know that feeling after you eat a bunch of sugar your whole life and then you decide to just not eat a whole bunch of sugar anymore, that feeling like 2 or 3 days in... where you've surpassed the sugar cravings and now have switched into the GIVE ME EFFING SUGAR OR I WILL KILL YOU mode. Yeahhh... that's kinda how I feel right now. I think I have trouble denying myself things. I run with the attitude of "I have control over my life, I can change things any time I want. I just don't want to right now". Clearly, that's my problem. Geeze, I sound like an alcoholic or any other addict.

:/ that's not comforting.


And it's certainly not encouraging. But I'm strong willed and I'm determined. Plus I'm always right, or at least have to prove myself right to myself and everyone else around me, even if I'm CLEARLY not right I still throw out a good argument in order to appear right. (I'm a living, breathing, argumentative, self-indulging Sophist. ugh. I hate that.)

But because I have complete control over this situation of whether to purchase food or not, I have to prove myself right. Why start this if I didn't think I couldn't finish it? actually, that was kind of the point. I honestly didn't think I could finish this challenge and quite frankly I don't think I will. But I will be honest if I am unable to finish it so I won't just be internally ashamed I will let all of you reading this and rooting for to bend your head down and shake it in shame with me.

But I will keep my spirits as high as possible, keep my head up and my lunch box full tomorrow so I can accomplish one more day of this no purchasing edible products 21-day challenge.

Day 4 : Food Addict?

I've decided that for the next 17 days I can not consume any alcohol outside of my apartment. Well, which really isn't a big deal considering the fact I NEVER go out anywhere that serves alcohol except restaurants and it's not like I'll be going to one of those anytime soon. I did well last night for going out to Fort Worth with a few friends, actually sitting on the patio of a restaurant having a few drinks listening to some good music. Because I ate two chicken wraps right before we left my apartment I didn't even think about eating anything the whole 2 hours we spent at the restaurant. It wasn't until we got in the car to head home. It hit me like a giant speeding train derailing off it's tracks. My stomach was sending these horrible signals to my brain. Screaming "FEED ME! FEED ME! NEED GREASY FOOD NOW! FEEEEED MEE!!" Luckily it's only a 16 mile drive home. Otherwise, I honestly can not say that I would have made it without stopping.

Strangely, this morning I woke up starving! Ew. I'm never hungry first thing in the morning. I normally can't or at least, don't eat for at least an hour after I get up. But due to my insane hunger pangs I had scrambled eggs and bacon shortly after waking up. Sufficient. Probably not as tasty as a fat stack of smothered and covered syrupy pancakes but when it comes to eggs and bacon, I'm always game.

While procrastinating from reading I went to Target. There's a Subway next door. :/

Luckily, again, this Target is not even 3 minutes from my apartment so waiting until I got home to eat lunch wasn't all that bad. Although Subway would have been much more appetizing, convenient and accessible I came home and made the exact same turkey sandwich, toasted and all, that I would have gotten at Subway. It wasn't as good as the turkey sandwich I get from Subway because I don't have all the fixin's but I have buffalo sauce so that's good enough for me.

I knew I would be spending the rest of the day at home, so I wasn't and still am not concerned about purchasing any food today. Although, watching the baseball game really makes me crave some pizza. :/ Some ooey gooey warm slices of pepperoni pizza. MMMM!!!

Damn.

I just had some chicken noodle soup but now I'm thinking about pizza. Now I'm not satisfied, but I'm full. :/ I have a bad habit of getting a certain food in my mind that I want, I want it. Now. and I won't be satisfied until I get it. I tend to have these feelings with food I don't normally eat, or don't eat often like Big Mac's. I only get cravings for Big Mac's about two or three times a year, but when I get a craving, uh! The last serious craving I had for a Big Mac was quite some time ago, almost a year I'd say but nonetheless, it lasted for about two consecutive weeks. Finally I had no choice but to get a Big Mac. *shamefully*

I suppose this is another example of how I've let food control my life.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to stop these insane cravings?!

Day 4, complete. This challenge, I feel, is getting a little easier but I'm starting to learn some things about myself. About my food addiction, is it a food addiction?

Day 3: Shitty Sugar Situation

I realized this morning that I didn't pack enough food to tide me over through breakfast, lunch and a snack before Crossfit. Fear and worry came over me. I was afraid I would cave during my "2:30 feeling" and hit up the vending machine.

So instead I decided to rationalize my food. For breakfast, instead of having an entire bagel I halfed it.

Half of the bagel at 8:45am

the other half at 11:00am

Surprisingly I wasn't starving come 12:30 like I normally am when I eat breakfast at 9am and not have any other snack afterward.

I waited until 1pm, still wasn't very hungry but my boss frowns upon employees taking lunch after 1pm. I don't know why though... So I took 15 minutes for lunch. Ate my 3oz of flank steak and a cup of mandarin oranges. Normally 3oz wouldn't be enough, I honestly don't know what I was thinking last night when I packed my lunch. Oh, yeah. I think I was drinking tequila and orange juice at the time. :/

So now all I have left is a banana. Normally I would have eaten the banana for breakfast too. But that's rationalization.

OH NO!! Office email alert: BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION WITH COOKIES AND ICE CREAM AT 2:30.

Well F@$% Me!

So, question Does it count if someone else buys me food? I'm not talking about going out to dinner with mom for no reason other than to see each other. No, mom I'm not saying you're not important because you are. The most important person in my life, but does us going to dinner qualify as me breaking the challenge. I think so.

However, I have to play an exception rule. You see, my aunts birthday is next weekend and I don't think the food my family will be eating will be prepared at my grandparents house. I don't think we are going to a restaurant, however most of the time my grandparents parties are catered. So due to this cause I cannot avoid. I will do my best to eat enough prior to to not eat with them, if the food is not a sit down dinner. If it is, I will have to eat and will just tack on an extra day to this challenge.

So back to the sugar haven, I mean crisis at the office.

What do I do? Can I eat some ice cream and/ or cookies? I didn't buy them. The cookies were homemade.. :/ ahhh!!

So the office party came and went. and Sadly. I caved. I had 1 small scoop of vanilla ice cream and 1 cookie.

So, I'm wondering if my challenge is over? am I making excuses? I was just about to delete this whole portion- about the cookies and ice cream- because if I don't post it no one will know. It'll be my little secret.

But something stopped me. I'm only lying to myself by deleting it and doesn't that prove my point for why I am doing this challenge? To not let food have control over me? Obviously it's still something I need to work on otherwise I'd would have been able to visit with my coworkers without sans ice cream and cookies.

Even if those of you think my 21 day challenge is over, I'm still going to continue with it for the next 18 days. I think tripping up at the office birthday fest just reassures me why I need to do this. Needless to say, I feel guilty. I feel like shit. I feel determined even more now.

Dinner: Already planned ahead. Baked chicken breast, lettuce, and cheese wrapped in tortilla for an easy on the go meal as I head to Fort Worth for the evening.

I probably will have a few drinks, and that's one of my weaknesses. Eating shit food when I drink. I know you probably know it all too well too. So I have 2 choices:

1. don't drink
2. carry a snack in my purse just in case

Wish me luck for a good completion to day 3.

As my lovely boyfriend Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." <3

Day 2

They always say the first few days of changing your habits are the hardest. I don't think I'm ready to testify that to be true or false just yet though. It's only day 2 but I can vouch for the difficulty level in changing your habits. Though I know this habit I'm trying to break isn't as tough as other habits many people conquer such as quitting smoking, quitting drinking, exercising more, eating healthier, etc. but this one for me, is pretty tough.

I don't work on Tuesdays or Thursdays each week, allowing extra time for my studies so I spend most of my time at home except for the hour I spend at the gym. I didn't feel like going to the grocery store last night after class so I decided to go today after the gym. I've heard you're never supposed to go to the grocery store hungry because it causes impulse buys, and now after a $198 grocery bill I'll vouch for that.

Breakfast was fairly easy because I was home and had no desire to leave until I headed for the gym. Rarely do I go out to eat for breakfast anyway since I know it's the most important meal of the day and quite frankly my scrambled eggs are much more healthful and tastier than Ihop's. The only time I do go out for breakfast is on weekend mornings, which still isn't often because that requires me to get out of my sweat pants and brush my hair earlier than I want to. So for breakfast I had a bowl of cheerios with Almond milk MMM!!!

Gym time-- my stomach didn't enjoy those cheerios and milk during the workout. But they stayed down, if that's what you're wondering. I just don't do well with milk or milk imitating products like Almond milk, it tastes funny more of the time and during exercise it makes my stomach a little upset.

After the gym I went to the grocery store. Like I said I spent $198. ugh. There goes my entire savings from last weeks pay check :/ but totally worth it. Stocked up on frozen meat, veggies, bread and a lot of canned soups, chili, corn, beans, etc. Bought extra eggs, cheese, lunch meats and bread than I normally would because I want to make sure I have enough food to last me for the next 20 days so I'm not tempted to go out to eat as the challenge comes closer to the end and my food supply becomes barren.

We have a McDonalds in my Walmart. As much as I dislike the idea of eating the pink goopy chicken nuggets. I was STARVING. and when that time hits, my body goes into defensive starvation mode. Like an army full hungry little cells attacking my body and my brain saying "FEED MEEE!!!!" That's normally when I turn to fast food. And walking by the Mcgoopy nugget smell my hungry army of cells went into overdrive. So hungry in fact I contemplated doing something I find absolutely disgusting. Eating the food I'm about to buy while I continue shopping. I hate when people do that. I think it's rude, and disgusting and it makes you look like a fatty. You seriously can't wait until you get home to eat that? Ew. My pride kept me in check while I finished shopping. Of course getting home was a totally different picture.

I've never unpacked groceries that fast in my life.

Luckily I baked flank steak last night that was supposed to go with my noodle, egg, pea/carrot mix but I saved it instead for today. Ate the rest of my noodle mix from last night and some flank steak. I was pretty proud of myself for abstaining from the Mcgoop at Walmart and abstaining from going out to lunch there after. I attribute my abstinence to my planning last night for cooking the flank steak.

Dinner was pretty easy now that I have a pantry and fridge full of food.

I actually watched part of the Rangers game last night, I know. Me, watching sports. Pretty unlike me, eh? Anyway, watching the baseball game made me crave nachos. You know the nachos that have exceptionally salty tortilla chips and heaps upon heaps of some yellow-orangish warm, tasty, rubber-like textured "cheese". So I made some at home nachos with a little tortilla chips and shredded cheese. Not as good as the disgusting, chock-full-o'-calories heaven they serve at games but still satisfying. :)

Dinner time came about and it was spaghetti and meatball night. Went down pretty smooth although still full from the nachos.

Today went pretty well, I wanted to caved a few times, but all in all I'm proud I've successfully made it through two whole days without purchasing food.

I think this weekend will be a bit more difficult. But I think my pride won't fail me. People say being prideful is a vice, but right now I think it's a virtue. For without pride I wouldn't be able to do much of what I've done. <- that's true for a lot of things in my life, i.e. Crossfit (my safe haven and life saver), grad school (my main motive for going was to called by people and be able to introduce myself as Dr. Self, how much more vain and shallow can you get?! I have ulterior motives for choosing to teach that I would still consider part prideful but mostly selfless).

Work tomorrow, packed a larger than normal breakfast and lunch just in case. I'd rather have too much food with me than not enough. It's times when we don't have enough of something that causes us to stray from our paths to find that thing we want.

Measurements:
Weight: 140
Waist: 28"
Hips: 37"

^^Those number are dedicated to my trainer Jamie. Because without her they would be between 2-4" higher.

Day 1

All went well for the rest of the work day. Class was a bit of a drag because I hadn't eaten anything since, oh about 2:30.

I got out of class a little early tonight, and as always I'm pooped and starving.

All I wanted to do was pay someone to deliver food to my car and if possible feed it to me. Yep, that's how exhausted I am after a full day at work and school.

As tempted as I was to pull thru the Whataburger, McDonalds, Wendys, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, and / or Burger King drive thru that I pass every night on my way home I kept my strength and made it home.

Not having had time to go to the grocery store yet I literally speed walked inside, dropped my bags on the ground and hurled myself towards the fridge.

Of course I have nothing to qualify as a 'real meal' but being who I am I at least have the creativity and pallet to whip together what edible things I do have. Add a little buffalo sauce and call it a 'meal'.

The above picture is what I had for dinner. I know it's not paleo with the noodles, but like I said in my previous post. I don't do 100% paleo and this is EXACTLY why.

Ingredient of tonight's meal:

1.5 cups of Rotini noodles
3 chopped hard boiled eggs
2 cups of frozen peas and carrots

For taste I added about 3/4tbs of buffalo sauce (again I know it's not paleo, but it's the only way I will be able to munch through the above mixed ingredients)

I also add some olive oil and vinegar salad dressing for some bitterness to ward off the overwhelming taste of the buffalo sauce.

And yes, both the buffalo sauce and oil and vinegar dressing are as close to paleo as possible.

So here it is, the end of day 1 and I didn't cave. So far, so good.

I'm still debating on whether to give my measurements or not. I'm not sure if in 21 days there will be significant physical changes, if any at all. It may just be changes on the inside. But I suppose I could do it anyway just to either prove or disqualify the idea of being able to change your physical body in just 21 days.

21 day challenge

Okay, so I know most of you probably don't really understand the concept of what the 21 day challenge is, so let me briefly explain it to you. It takes a person typically 21 days to make or break a habit. Any habit. Pick one. You either stop one or you start one, or I suppose you could alter one.

My 21 day challenge: Initially I was thinking of doing a 21 day sugar free challenge. Sounds easy enough and I really want to start today, like right now. And then I realized that the lunch I brought to work would kill my 21 day challenge right from the start. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, and no it's not natural peanut butter or jelly. It's the cheap Great Value kind from Walmart. So the 21 day sugar free challenge is out. I suppose I could start tomorrow, but I don't want to. Honestly, it's because I'll forget. Between work, school, studying and Crossfit my eating habits have been pretty much shit lately. I'm talking fast food, going out to eat for every meal, snacking at the un-health conscious vending machine at the office, etc. Needless to say I feel like shit through my workouts, I feel bad getting up in the morning, minute aches and pains are starting to come back and lastly, I really don't feel all too good on the inside, both physically and mentally. I'm foggy in both my head and my body. Before, I felt good inside and out when I was watching my food products, ensuring it was as primal as I could handle. (That means I ate grains, not always but sweet potatoes and as natural as possible tortillas, etc.) So this got me thinking about what I should do for my 21 day challenge:

21 days of no purchasing food.

I haven't made it to the grocery store in a few weeks, hence the tirade of fast food and vending machine monster. So tonight when I get home from school I will go to the grocery store. That will be the last time I purchase food for the next 21 days.

I'm seeing two advantages to this.

1. Most importantly, this will get me back to where I want, should and deserve to be in life, health and Crossfit.

2. It's like giving myself a little raise. :) I think I may even put $5-10 in my savings account every day that I would have spent on food. 5-10 is pretty small compared to what I'm actually spending, but I think it's a good number to work with.

I want to do this challenge because I need to know that food does not have control over my life unless I let it. When I'm tired and don't feel like cooking, it's easy to hit up the drive thru. I'd rather have someone else make my food when I'm exhausted and quite frankly I don't give a shit about the calories, sodium or by-products, i.e. pink goop that's in whatever the hell it was I was eating. I need to know that in order to succeed for my health I can not let my mental exhaustion run the control panel.


So, do you think I can do it? I think it's going to take a lot of dedication and probably some starvation on the days I get up at 5:30a for work and don't come home until after class at 9:30p and all I have to rely on is a 8" x 10" x 6" blue lunch box. :/ Think I may invest in a larger lunch box, maybe a cooler or a foam ice chest for the next 21 days... But at least I have a large supply of tupperware already at home. I can honestly say tupperware is one of Man's GREATEST creations.

Will take note of my weight, and measurements when I get home from class tonight and keep you update all along the way.